Keep on Truckin’ July 29, 2015Posted by skinbad in Humor, Technology.
Not intending to stomp on the rare Humpy sighting below, but I crossed paths with something humorous today and, what can I say besides, GIVER.
The long and winding road goes something like this: I browsed through a recent Popular Mechanics magazine at lunch and flipped to their print version of click bait on how to buy a used car the right way. I always have to look at those. Just like I always have to take a quick look at the “Satisfy Your Woman Every Time” articles. Just to cover my bases, you understand. Sobek? Don’t rush to subscribe to Popular Mechanics. Those articles are in other magazines–and they really don’t help. A friend told me so.
So anyway, one of the short, accompanying car articles was on great, overlooked, used cars. One that caught my eye was the mid-90s F-250s with the 7.3 liter diesel engine. I like the looks of those quite a bit and they are manly machines. I believe a certain gentleman farmer/sprinkler ninja in Idaho was an F-250 man. My F-150 is from the same era and, though it’s been a good truck, I’ve always been underwhelmed with it’s pulling and passing abilities. They said you could find the big diesels in the $6,000 range so I got on a local auto classified site to see what was out there*.
This brings me to the comedy goods. Someone put some good work into the listing for his (non-diesel) 1996 truck. If you go to the link I think you need to click the “read more” option to see it. He starts with some ways to determine if this truck is NOT for you, such as:
If you have been posting on facebook all about how excited you are for pumpkin latte season: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
If you own a bieber album, white oakleys, affliction t-shirts**, or those candy-assed stitched-pocket jeans: THIS VEHICLE IS NOT FOR YOU.
Giving good balance to his essay, he then lists characteristics that would show one to be a good match for this truck:
If, however, you have BALLS OF STEEL and consider adverse weather an excuse to do stupid stuff: THIS IS YOUR TRUCK.
While bored at work do you pick targets at random and think, “I could hit that from here with the .22 …”?
He wraps up with a flourish of questions such as “What’s wrong with it; Why are you selling it; Does the 4WD work?” His answer to the last question is my favorite line. So does the 4WD work? Answer:
Hell yes. Like a Dickensian Orphan.
I don’t know if “Brett” is a real man of genius, but I give him a hearty “Here’s to you, Mr. Testosterone-Overload-Closet-Creative-Writing-Guy.” Well done.
*Anything that didn’t look totally trashed was in the $9,000 and up range. Popular Mechanics is full of shit.
**I’m so manly I have no idea what that means.