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Fondled by the TSA April 3, 2017

Posted by geoff in News.

Flew out of the Denver airport this morning, but as I was making my way through security, I somehow got gifted with the random patdown. Now, I’d heard that they were getting more aggressive with the patdowns, but the level of aggression came as quite a surprise.

I can safely say that I’ve never before had a man touch me like that TSA agent touched me.

I can understand getting patted down along the hips and between the legs. Even up into the crevices of the crotchal region. But actually checking out the male particulars? Is that really an area where weapons that might escape detection by x-rays are likely to be hidden?

Unpleasant? Unsavory? UnAmerican?

Oh yes.

And probably completely useless as well.


1. veeshir - April 4, 2017

It’s useful for one thing, letting you know your place vis-a-vis the gov’t.

I generally need an ocean in the way to need to fly anymore.

2. geoff - April 4, 2017

It gives me the creeps knowing that in order to fly in America, I have to consent to a man touching my penis.

In the future I’m going to wear a codpiece.

3. geoff - April 4, 2017

Just put in a complaint to TSA. Won’t do any good, but at least I objected.

4. Jimbro - April 4, 2017

I am required to attend a professional meeting for my sub-specialty every 3 years and have been fortunate enough to only fly twice in 10 years. The other meetings I attended were within reasonable driving distance. I’ll need to fly again in either 2018 or 2019 and by then I hope they’ve replaced the amateur urologists with something else.

5. digitalbrownshirt - April 4, 2017

Last year was the first time I’d flown since 9/11. It wasn’t as bad as I expected, but my sister (a travel agent) listed me as needing assistance because I was recovering from surgery. So they put me in a wheelchair and walked me through the whole thing. The TSA in OKC were extremely gentle and didn’t even make me take off my shoes. I guess I got lucky.

6. Bunk Strutts - April 5, 2017

Next time load your shorts with spring snakes.

7. Bunk Strutts - April 5, 2017


8. Sobek - April 5, 2017

In defense of the TSA, geoff, you are pretty hot.

9. geoff - April 5, 2017

Oh you can tell by the way I grope
I’m a TSA man, no time to mope
And you can gripe about the way I feel
But there is no court to which you can appeal

And now it’s all right, it’s OK,
Enjoy the touch of the TSA
We can try to understand
The TSA’s firm grasp on man

Whether you’re a felon or whether you’ve got melons
Your rights’re deprived, your rights’re deprived.
Feel the agent pryin” and everybody cryin’
And your rights’re deprived, rights’re deprived
Ah, ha, ha, ha, rights’re deprived, rights’re deprived
Ah, ha, ha, ha, rights’re deprived

10. Mark in NJ - April 6, 2017

Good song.

Remind me again what BeeGee stands for – boner grope?

11. daveintexas - April 6, 2017

Welcome to my world. Titanium knee.

Now I just moan when they start checking out my junk

12. lauraw - April 6, 2017

That was really good, geoff! I like the felon/melons bit.

Now I’m kind of afraid to travel this Summer.

13. Mrs. Peel - April 6, 2017

I haven’t had any trouble…just been lucky, I guess. I did get patted down once because I was pregnant and refused to go through the radiation machine (they actually tried to direct me through it even after I told them I was pregnant – WTF???). The agent was polite and professional.

But I’m not as fine as geoff, so…

14. lauraw - April 6, 2017

The agent was pretty shitty to me when I refused to go through the machine. I was ruining her day and she let me have it.

I posted about it on Ace’s, but can’t find the post.

15. geoff - April 6, 2017

Yeah, well, over the past month everything’s gotten worse.

Much, much worse.

Got my reply from the TSA, BTW. Form letter saying, “Sorry, but security.”

$@*$(*Y*O%%io%ui%*()*#@& (&^)@

16. skinbad - April 7, 2017

Felons/melons deserves applause.

Got my shoes off in the security line
Shuffle forward and try not to whine
Thought I left home without all my bling
But dammit I forgot ‘bout my nipple ring

Groped by the TSA
I’ve been, groped by the TSA . . .

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