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My Harassment Ultimatum December 18, 2017

Posted by geoff in News.

I hereby declare that I have been sexually harassed by every significant media, arts, news, corporate, political, and military figure, male or female or whatever, in the United States (and I’ve got my eye on the rest of the world). Per recent (apparent) policy, I fully expect a prompt resignation from all of these individuals, since we don’t seem to need any victim-shaming/blaming ridiculousness like an investigation or trial.

Those of you evil harasser types who want to pay me hush money, form a line to the left. Those of you who want a teary public reconciliation (with restitution, of course), form a line on the right, and those of you who want to attend my new and pricey course, “Six Minutes to a Less Evil You” (far quicker than Harvey Weinstein’s week-long course, but with all the moral preening of even the longest courses), line up dead center.

I am a victim: I demand to be believed.


1. geoff - December 18, 2017

I hope I’m getting in before the wave has collapsed.

2. geoff - December 18, 2017

I would hope it’s completely unnecessary, but I suppose I should point out the following:
1) Sexual harassment is bad
2) Victims should feel free to come forward with their complaints
3) Perpetrators should feel the full weight of justice

That said, every complaint should be investigated fully and objectively. This business of convicting and sentencing people on Twitter has to stop.

1) Statute of limitations: it applies
2) Some people are serial harassers, some people made a one-of mistake. Differentiate.
3) Power corrupts: the dynamic that makes powerful people feel that they can demand sex is the same dynamic that applies to giving government more power. Conservatives fear gov’t, liberals fear corporations, but it’s giving up power to any entity that’s the problem.
4) People’s memories are unreliable, especially when involving emotional encounters, and especially after years have past. See (1).
5) We have seen over and over that bitter sexual partners can recast consensual encounters as harassment and rape. Investigate properly and without prejudice.

3. skinbad - December 18, 2017

My annual review is coming up in the next few weeks. It’s usually about five pages of self-evaluation, goals, accomplishments, etc. I’m really tempted to just write on the top, “I did not sexually harass any one this year. I think you should give me a raise.”

4. lauraw - December 18, 2017

Is all this fuss really just about that time I paid Michael $5 to grab your junk?

Oh wait, you were unconscious. Never mind.

I’m thinking of somebody else.

Who cannot corroborate.

And I don’t recall the name.

5. geoff - December 18, 2017

Is all this fuss really just about that time I paid Michael $5 to grab your junk?

Hey wait a minute….I paid Michael $5 to grab my junk!!

That double booking b*st*rd!!

6. Retired Geezer - December 18, 2017

You guys made me smile.

7. lauraw - December 19, 2017

Hah! That reminds me of the time Wiserbud paid Michael $5 to do something gross at a party. He did it, but took the whole $20 and didn’t make change, lol. That still cracks me up.

Seriously though, if you can’t break a bill you should put up a little sign.

8. Retired Geezer - December 19, 2017

Wiserbud paid Michael $5 to do something gross at a party

Did it involve snorting some Marie Sharps sauce?

9. lauraw - December 20, 2017


and apropos of nothing, check out these great pics

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