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Dave Stuff March 2, 2018

Posted by daveintexas in Ballistics, Crime, Ducks, Entertainment, Handblogging, History, Law, Man Laws, Mufuckin Pie!, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit.

I try to use descriptive, catchy post titles.

Anyway the weather was nice last Sunday so I decided it was time to power wash the deck area and hang up some lights to make the place all cheery and shit.


I know, gross right? Spider webs, bugs, leaves, dirt


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Much better.

I know all this stuff gets made in China (or somewhere in Asia).  Christmas lights are not particularly complex so if there was a manual I ignored it like I do complicated stuff where I really should RTFM but still won’t.

But the vendor in it’s relationship with Amazon insisted that I get this information via the following email, including a an explanation of why these lights might not be exactly the “white warmness” I might have been expecting, AND a warranty and a sincere promise to resolve any customer dissatisfaction accompanied with a plea to please not rat them out on the item page.

I realize their English is much better than my Mandarin but these things are just so fun.

First, an Important notice regarding the warm white color (as advertised)

Section 2

A friendly greeting, an interesting explanation of why the product might not be exactly what I ordered but yet “It is not wrong item sent if you receive the color difference version”

It is definitely warm white if you compare it with white version, or maybe Slublog.

Then some handy instructions for troubleshooting.

Section 3

If bulb burns out, replace bulb. It will turn on.

And then a promise to resolve any problem but please don’t bust our balls with bad remark on item page.

Section 1

They did say please and kindly so were I disappointed with the warmth of whiteness I would reach out to them before posting an irate customer thing.  Besides I never do that cause everybody looks like an asshole when they do.

Besides, I think they’re quite warm and I am satisfied.

Thank you, MZD8391 Customer Service Team!


1. Jimbro - March 2, 2018

I’ve become used to these emails with the emergence of direct shipping from Chinese factories to US Amazon customers. It always throws me off when I see my order in a poor paper quality envelope with Chinese script on it until I open it and see the product and the little light bulb goes off.

2. Jimbro - March 2, 2018

Nice porch BTW, the lights make it “magical”

3. vaitguy - March 2, 2018

I bought a cheap tablet for a pseudo-employee who complained about her 0.06 lb laptop being too heavy… 😉 so, my email from the seller was, “hey Joe, leave me good feedback get a battery pack charger for your device.” I give good feedback. Now I have a really nice charger with LCD display and highly satisfied. Grade A!

Great job getting that gathering area ready for gathering! Grade A!

4. lauraw - March 2, 2018

Those lights…they’re so cold. You need to write a bitchy Amazon review.

5. geoff - March 2, 2018

Sooo…where should we do the next IB meetup, hmmmm? If only there was a place with warm lighting. The kind of place where a man’s handshake still means something and you Please kindly Not write any bad remark. Because Please kindly Not writing any bad remark is a throwback to a gentler time.

It’d be best if it had a big clock on the wall.

6. lauraw - March 2, 2018

I simply cannot attend unless there are at least five swivel chairs on the patio. Sorry. I’ve always regretted compromising on this point and I’m just not going to sacrifice my principles anymore.

7. Retired Geezer - March 3, 2018

Texas works for us.

8. lauraw - March 3, 2018

Dave is having regrets, lol

9. daveintexas - March 3, 2018

Now I gotta put a battery in the clock.


10. skinbad - March 3, 2018

I think I see five swivel chairs.

11. skinbad - March 3, 2018

Maybe even six.

12. daveintexas - March 3, 2018


13. geoff - March 3, 2018

…sufficient to satisfy anyone’s swiveling jones.

14. daveintexas - March 3, 2018

one of em might be boke I work on it

15. skinbad - March 4, 2018

Didn’t Swiveling Jones used to open for B.B. King?

16. Cathy - December 30, 2018

Palm tree light fixture is the best…

17. Retired Geezer - December 30, 2018

If we’re going to have the next IB Gathering at Dave’s house, I propose a Go-Fund-Me account to buy some Puking Lions ™.

18. lauraw - December 31, 2018

Another conversation I forgotted about. Well, it was a few days before I started my current job so I was probably distracted by that.

Still, nice porch.

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