Dave Stuff March 2, 2018
Posted by daveintexas in Ballistics, Crime, Ducks, Entertainment, Handblogging, History, Law, Man Laws, Mufuckin Pie!, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit.15 comments
I try to use descriptive, catchy post titles.
Anyway the weather was nice last Sunday so I decided it was time to power wash the deck area and hang up some lights to make the place all cheery and shit.
Before
I know, gross right? Spider webs, bugs, leaves, dirt
After
Much better.
I know all this stuff gets made in China (or somewhere in Asia). Christmas lights are not particularly complex so if there was a manual I ignored it like I do complicated stuff where I really should RTFM but still won’t.
But the vendor in it’s relationship with Amazon insisted that I get this information via the following email, including a an explanation of why these lights might not be exactly the “white warmness” I might have been expecting, AND a warranty and a sincere promise to resolve any customer dissatisfaction accompanied with a plea to please not rat them out on the item page.
I realize their English is much better than my Mandarin but these things are just so fun.
First, an Important notice regarding the warm white color (as advertised)
A friendly greeting, an interesting explanation of why the product might not be exactly what I ordered but yet “It is not wrong item sent if you receive the color difference version”
It is definitely warm white if you compare it with white version, or maybe Slublog.
Then some handy instructions for troubleshooting.
If bulb burns out, replace bulb. It will turn on.
And then a promise to resolve any problem but please don’t bust our balls with bad remark on item page.
They did say please and kindly so were I disappointed with the warmth of whiteness I would reach out to them before posting an irate customer thing. Besides I never do that cause everybody looks like an asshole when they do.
Besides, I think they’re quite warm and I am satisfied.
Thank you, MZD8391 Customer Service Team!
Two Centered Pictures September 26, 2016
Posted by skinbad in Ballistics, Food, Handblogging, Nature Shit, Personal Experiences, Technology, Women Ranting.15 comments
I know I’m behind the times, but the times for me have a-changed. The IT guy took my trusty Dell doorstop away and replaced it with this:
It’s an Intel NUC. Kind of cool, I think. When is the last time you used the DVD player in your computer?
And furthermore: A neighbor called Saturday afternoon and asked if we wanted a hindquarter of an elk. My thrifty wife got very excited. Of course we do. That was about 3 p.m. We finished the kitchen Clorox wipe-down about 9 p.m. Elk are big mofos.
I should have weighed it before starting. It had to weight 80 lbs. This was a new experience for me–thanks youtube. Also, a neighbor I called and asked if I could borrow his knife sharpener came over and helped me bone it (huhhuhuh). New respect for butchers gained–my hands and back are stiff, but there is a lot of meat in the freezer and on the shelf (we bottled a canner load).
Bored Daughter + Compliant Pooch = March 15, 2016
Posted by skinbad in Crime, Family, Fashion, Handblogging.5 comments
Here is a cute puppy November 22, 2015
Posted by daveintexas in Ballistics, Commenting Tips, Crime, Handblogging, Humor, Love, Mufuckin Pie!, News, Philosophy, Science, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit, Terrorist Hemorrhoids, Women Ranting, WTF?.3 comments
It’s not great content but it is cute content
Flyin’ Ain’t Easy November 22, 2015
Posted by Retired Geezer in Ballistics, Handblogging, News.3 comments
I love Destin’s videos from Smarter Every Day.
Here’s the helicopter that Flyin’ Brian flies now.
I Made This November 18, 2015
Posted by daveintexas in Handblogging, News, Stupid shit, Terrorist Hemorrhoids, Women Ranting.6 comments
Nice Little Bike Ride October 23, 2015
Posted by Retired Geezer in Crime, Handblogging.4 comments
Remind me to never try this:
Walking Machine powered by 20v Drill July 11, 2015
Posted by Retired Geezer in Entertainment, Handblogging.1 comment so far
This is the most amazing thing you will see today.
This is Fascinating June 27, 2015
Posted by daveintexas in Ballistics, Crime, Economics, Handblogging, History, Literature, Man Laws, Mufuckin Pie!, Nature Shit, Philosophy, Politics, Sex, Sitemeter, slutbags, Stupid shit, Technology, Terrorist Hemorrhoids, WTF?.5 comments
And a little unnerving. A real time map of global cyber attacks.
Man You Muhfuckers Are Depressing the Shit Outta Me March 25, 2015
Posted by daveintexas in Ballistics, Commenting Tips, Ducks, Economics, Gardening, Handblogging, Heroes, Law, Man Laws, Mufuckin Pie!, Nature Shit, News, Personal Experiences, Philosophy, Religion, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit, Stupid shit, Terrorist Hemorrhoids, Women Ranting, WTF?.71 comments
Stop that STOP THAT! This is supposed to be an ‘appy occasion.
And how did I get nominated for the last post here ever? Geoff has been working his skinny butt off posting and such.
Ain’t right. Ain’t right.
Yes, this post is going to have a “theme”.
So. 2006 or th
erebouts. I was 47 years old. Geezer was 75, Peelie was 13 and LauraW was in county banging a tin cup on the bars and yelling “FILTHY SCREWS FILTHY SCREWS”. If you never heard this stuff it’s all true email me I have documents and stuff.
I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t do this for a living you know.
In 2006 I had no idea how this worked. I had a kid in college and one on the way there. I was just working and making jokes here and at Ace’s and getting to know you all. And we’d get in comment threads and make absurd bitey faces at each other and joke around. Then this, ace called it “The Splitters”. So we did more stupid stuff and monkeys stopped flinging poop long enough to stare at us as if we were raving lunatics or something. And then this amazing thing happened. I met some of you, most of you. I actually came to places and saw your dorky faces and in person for reals.. met you. You were already my friends then you became my in person touching hugging friends. And every one of you every damn one of you hugged me and loved me and made me feel ten feet tall, bulletproof and invisible. Thank you special people for the extra touches you know who you are and I won’t say it out loud here Geoff.
Hey Dave how about we all go some place across the country and meet each other for reals?
This place, this actual place made it be possible for me to meet you all. To be friends and to love you. All your cares, all my cares. Fake internet friends became real friends. (thanks Al Gore).
Somehow it meant our personal lives became part of each other. I am a part of you all. The goofy part, or maybe tummy gas. I’m still a part of you all. Might be stinky. In a way I’d be proud if I was the stinky part.
…
OK then, I love you idiots. And I say idiots knowing I’m the idiot and you’re not I just have to drop that stuff at you because otherwise I’d gete sniffly and shit and no way no how am I gonna do that, fuck that.
I miss ya Harrison. You were one of the sweetest souls I’ve ever known who called me a friend. I miss Michael too. He was a big dumb jerk but he was also my friend and he loved me and you all (and fuck cancer seriously fuck cancer, pineapple/sideways). Oddly I miss them both in much the same way except I liked Harrison.
But I do need to say something very important that’s been on my heart for a long long time.
Michael, if you’re reading this (don’t you have better things to do?), I’m really sorry about the guest towels. That was so wrong of me. I feel bad about that, especially the part about me planting them in your pillowcase before I went home.
That was wrong of me.
Remember Pirate Talk?
Thank you Michael, Geezer, for bringing people into my life that I never would have met. I never would have known them, never would have loved them like I do. Your gift to all of us is so fine. You thought you were making a silly thing. Geezer thought it was a joke, a funny. Thank all of you for inviting me into your lives, your homes your personal space without freaking out.. much.
What you made was friendships. That’s what you did and that’s the legacy of the Splitters.
How Dave Feels About Centering Pictures
We people are the people we people care about. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. That’s what y’all did and you had no damn idea even that’s what you were doing. Like usual.
I love you idiots.
This place was a place. Better than ice cream. And ice cream kicks ass.
Y’all are better than ice cream and I still need you all in my life.
UPDATED
Goodbye, Farewell, Amen March 23, 2015
Posted by BrewFan in Ducks, Handblogging, Heroes, History, News, Sex, Terrorist Hemorrhoids, WTF?.8 comments
Shortly after 9/11/2001 I started reading Best of the Web Today by James Taranto. I really wasn’t interested in blogs but I was hungry for information about the new world we had all just been plunged into. James had links on his blog to other websites, one of which was to a blog called Allahpundit. I remember the tag line was something like, “an irreverent look at the Muslim world”. This intrigued me enough to click it and I was amazed at what I found; truly funny satire, brilliantly written. The comments were fun, and one of the commenters was a guy who had a blog called Ace of Spades HQ. This, then, would become my blogging destiny. There was no way to know that out of this fun read would grow friendships, both virtual and real. Over the many years since past I’ve had the distinct honor and privilege of getting to know some of the smartest, funniest, most compassionate people I have ever been blessed to know. Like a true family we’ve had good times and bad times, sharing and caring, and even the occasional dust-up.
I’m sure Geezer is going to share what inspired him to start this blog, so I’ll leave that to him. I’m just glad he did. With regard to how this blog should be ‘ended’, I believe the course that should be charted is to close comments, but leave this blog for posterity. There’s nothing quite like a stroll down memory lane and especially a thoroughfare lined with such beautiful memories as this one has.
I haven’t been participating much the last few years. Mostly lurking here and H2. I want everybody to know, though, that there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of you knuckleheads. I wish I was independently wealthy so I could fly around the country and hug you guys. Maybe cop a feel or two, but mostly hug. That would be most awesome.
Finally, I lift my glass and toast the finest kind. You all. And I lift my eyes and look for the finest kind of angels; Michael, Patty Ann, Harrison, Cranky.
BrewFan
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.
– Ralph Waldo Emerson
Crap Tree 2015 December 5, 2015
Posted by daveintexas in Ballistics, Blogroll, Commenting Tips, Crime, Ducks, Economics, Handblogging, Heroes, History, Honor, Humor, Man Laws, Mufuckin Pie!, Nature Shit, News, Philosophy, Religion, Science, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit, Stupid shit, Terrorist Hemorrhoids, Women Ranting, WTF?.add a comment
For Michael and the rest of you knuckleheads that I love.
May you all have a Merry Christmas.
Please do note the shotgun shell lights you could still smell the cordite on em if you were here. IF.