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Dave Stuff March 2, 2018

Posted by daveintexas in Ballistics, Crime, Ducks, Entertainment, Handblogging, History, Law, Man Laws, Mufuckin Pie!, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit.
15 comments

I try to use descriptive, catchy post titles.

Anyway the weather was nice last Sunday so I decided it was time to power wash the deck area and hang up some lights to make the place all cheery and shit.

Before

I know, gross right? Spider webs, bugs, leaves, dirt

After

Section After.png

Much better.

I know all this stuff gets made in China (or somewhere in Asia).  Christmas lights are not particularly complex so if there was a manual I ignored it like I do complicated stuff where I really should RTFM but still won’t.

But the vendor in it’s relationship with Amazon insisted that I get this information via the following email, including a an explanation of why these lights might not be exactly the “white warmness” I might have been expecting, AND a warranty and a sincere promise to resolve any customer dissatisfaction accompanied with a plea to please not rat them out on the item page.

I realize their English is much better than my Mandarin but these things are just so fun.

First, an Important notice regarding the warm white color (as advertised)

Section 2

A friendly greeting, an interesting explanation of why the product might not be exactly what I ordered but yet “It is not wrong item sent if you receive the color difference version”

It is definitely warm white if you compare it with white version, or maybe Slublog.

Then some handy instructions for troubleshooting.

Section 3

If bulb burns out, replace bulb. It will turn on.

And then a promise to resolve any problem but please don’t bust our balls with bad remark on item page.

Section 1

They did say please and kindly so were I disappointed with the warmth of whiteness I would reach out to them before posting an irate customer thing.  Besides I never do that cause everybody looks like an asshole when they do.

Besides, I think they’re quite warm and I am satisfied.

Thank you, MZD8391 Customer Service Team!

New Shocking Numbers December 31, 2017

Posted by Retired Geezer in Law.
14 comments

The Form of the Destructor Has Been Chosen January 27, 2016

Posted by daveintexas in Art, Blogroll, Crime, Ducks, Economics, Gardening, Heroes, Honor, Law, Mufuckin Pie!, Nature Shit, News, Science, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit, Stupid shit, Terrorist Hemorrhoids.
3 comments

kingcake.png

I couldn’t help it, it just popped in there.

Stayin’ Alive December 13, 2015

Posted by Retired Geezer in Entertainment, Law.
2 comments

I stole this from Legal Insurrection. You should read them every day.

Seriously.

 

Journalists Are Dumb People November 17, 2015

Posted by anycomments in Gardening, Honor, Law, Philosophy.
11 comments

Journalists are basically hair models whose mouths spew Democrat party tickertape. We would get better reportage if we replaced any one of these styrofoam heads with a person randomly chosen from any fast food line in America.

As her many respondents pointed out, this person works for CNN. Which even with their ratings is still considered The Media. And neither she nor any of her colleagues covered the Beirut bombings on CNN. So she indicts her own employer and coworkers for this oversight in coverage.

Sadly, many people also took the time to comb through her twitter account for any mention of the attacks in Lebanon, and it too was empty of any references to those events. So she further indicted herself as a “racist.”

The reason the word racist is in scare-quotes is because both the Lebanese and the Syrian people, are white people. Which destroys her whole premise plus…she should know that, shouldn’t she? If you’re accusing people of being afraid of other people because of their race, shouldn’t you do a little double-check? Or is she just so certain that these people can’t be white because they don’t look anything like the CNN newsroom?

Poop Bucket June 16, 2015

Posted by Retired Geezer in Ducks, Law.
10 comments

The King of Random makes some excellent videos. You should subscribe.

Man You Muhfuckers Are Depressing the Shit Outta Me March 25, 2015

Posted by daveintexas in Religion, Gardening, Philosophy, Personal Experiences, Ducks, Heroes, Commenting Tips, Terrorist Hemorrhoids, Economics, Women Ranting, Man Laws, Sex, Law, News, Handblogging, Nature Shit, Sidebar Flag Bullshit, Stupid shit, Ballistics, WTF?, Mufuckin Pie!.
71 comments

Stop that STOP THAT! This is supposed to be an ‘appy occasion.

And how did I get nominated for the last post here ever? Geoff has been working his skinny butt off posting and such.

Ain’t right. Ain’t right.

 

Yes, this post is going to have a “theme”.

So. 2006 or thGFYerebouts. I was 47 years old. Geezer was 75, Peelie was 13 and LauraW was in county banging a tin cup on the bars and yelling “FILTHY SCREWS FILTHY SCREWS”.  If you never heard this stuff it’s all true email me I have documents and stuff.

I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t do this for a living you know.

In 2006 I had no idea how this worked. I had a kid in college and one on the way there.  I was just working and making jokes here and at Ace’s and getting to know you all.  And we’d get in comment threads and make absurd bitey faces at each other and joke around.  Then this, ace called it “The Splitters”.  So we did more stupid stuff and monkeys stopped flinging poop long enough to stare at us as if we were raving lunatics or something.  And then this amazing thing happened. I met some of you, most of you.  I actually came to places and saw your dorky faces and in person for reals.. met you.  You were already my friends then you became my in person touching hugging friends.  And every one of you every damn one of you hugged me and loved me and made me feel ten feet tall, bulletproof and invisible.  Thank you special people for the extra touches you know who you are and I won’t say it out loud here Geoff.

 

Hey Dave how about we all go some place across the country and meet each other for reals?

list
This place, this actual place made it be possible for me to meet you all.  To be friends and to love you. All your cares, all my cares. Fake internet friends became real friends. (thanks Al Gore).

Somehow it meant our personal lives became part of each other.  I am a part of you all. The goofy part, or maybe tummy gas. I’m still a part of you all.  Might be stinky. In a way I’d be proud if I was the stinky part.

OK then, I love you idiots. And I say idiots knowing I’m the idiot and you’re not I just have to drop that stuff at you because otherwise I’d gete sniffly and shit and no way no how am I gonna do that, fuck that.

I miss ya Harrison. You were one of the sweetest souls I’ve ever known who called me a friend. I miss Michael too.  He was a big dumb jerk but he was also my friend and he loved me and you all (and fuck cancer seriously fuck cancer, pineapple/sideways).  Oddly I miss them both in much the same way except I liked Harrison.

But I do need to say something very important that’s been on my heart for a long long time.

Michael, if you’re reading this (don’t you have better things to do?), I’m really sorry about the guest towels.  That was so wrong of me.  I feel bad about that, especially the part about me planting them in your pillowcase before I went home.

That was wrong of me.

Remember Pirate Talk?

tarnation

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you Michael, Geezer, for bringing people into my life that I never would have met. I never would have known them, never would have loved them like I do. Your gift to all of us is so fine. You thought you were making a silly thing. Geezer thought it was a joke, a funny.  Thank all of you for inviting me into your lives, your homes your personal space without freaking out.. much.

What you made was friendships. That’s what you did and that’s the legacy of the Splitters.

How Dave Feels About Centering Pictures

hay

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We people are the people we people care about. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. That’s what y’all did and you had no damn idea even that’s what you were doing. Like usual.

I love you idiots.

This place was a place. Better than ice cream. And ice cream kicks ass.

 

Y’all are better than ice cream and I still need you all in my life.

dis

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UPDATED

mf

String Fever April 10, 2014

Posted by Retired Geezer in Entertainment, Law.
5 comments

This is pretty cool.

 

 

Hat tip to my pretend internet friend, Bones.

No, not that one.

Gay Marriage and Spousal Privilege August 14, 2013

Posted by Sobek in Law.
18 comments

An interesting little story from Ace yesterday.

A man named George Murphy allegedly sexually assaulted Bobbie Jo Clary with a hammer.  Clary then allegedly took the hammer from Murphy and beat him to death with it, then stole Murphy’s van (I don’t know why the theft is even part of this story, all things considered, but whatever).  Clary also allegedly told her partner, Geneva Case, what she had done.

Clary is now on trial for murder in Kentucky.  Prosecutors want to compel Case to testify against Clary.  Case says no way, we’re practically married – they had gone to Vermont in 2004 to get a civil union – and married people get a privilege against testifying against one another, but Kentucky (gasp!) doesn’t recognize civil unions.  Therefore, argue the prosecutors, there is no spousal privilege for the lesbian couple, and Case can be compelled to testify.

(more…)

Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K (and in Utah) August 8, 2013

Posted by skinbad in Crime, Entertainment, Law, Religion, slutbags.
5 comments

I believe Russ said something about Utah being a Florida-in-training after the great human meat thermometer caper.

I’m beginning to wonder if he’s on to something.

You’ve probably heard of Miss Riverton a.k.a. Miss Demeanor.  She was arrested for “pranking” people by throwing homemade bombs at them. I guess that’s actually a felony for the blond bombshell. When asked for a statement she simply said she had no interest whatsoever in that “world peace shit.”

Meanwhile, down in Moab, we also have one of those firefighter/police rivalries that got a little out of hand.

  • Firefighter sleeps with police officer’s wife
  • Police officer catches them and pistol whips firefighter
  • Firefighter goes home and stabs himself
  • Police officer tries to get into operating room to “finish the job”

Did I mention that the firefighter is the police officer’s father?

And finally, on a happier note, we have Elders Harrelson and Snipes doing a little missionary “street contacting.” The shirt-and-tied young men asked to play a little ball while doing some missionary work in Texas. One of the lads was on a state champion basketball team and will play wide receiver for a local college after his mission. I would agree, as some have pointed out, that this rim may not be regulation height, but still, let the hijinks begin:

 

 

 

Pony: A Horse Ahead of His Time June 27, 2013

Posted by daveintexas in Economics, Law, Philosophy, Sports, WTF?.
11 comments

A Wisconsin man who was caught last year having sex with a couch pleaded guilty to public lewdness Monday.

Gerard Streator, 47, was sentenced to five months in jail for the furniture fornication, according to documents obtained by The Smoking Gun.

s-COUCH-SEX-largeGerard Streator –  Upholstery refinisher, Lover

He seems, normal I guess.

via Instapundit

UPDATE: story says it’s not a couch, it’s a love seat.

So he’s just unclear on the concept.

Texas Wins Another Case Against Dept. of Commerce June 5, 2013

Posted by daveintexas in Ducks, Entertainment, Food, History, Law, Nature Shit, Sidebar Flag Bullshit, Women Ranting, WTF?.
8 comments

I met Texas Attorney General Greg Abbott last year at a luncheon, and had a chance to speak with him a bit.  He was just celebrating a successful case filed against the EPA.  I asked him “what is it that you spend most of your time on?”  and he answered “suing the Federal government.”

Loved that answer.  Here’s another one, successfully pushing back a stupid emergency ruling that arbitrarily shortened the red snapper fishing season in Federal waters off the coast of Texas.

Abbott understands federal bureacracies abuse their power constantly, and doesn’t back down from a fight.  The case he was celebrating was a ruling in the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals that the EPA had improperly rejected the state’s “Flexible Permitting Program” regarding the establishment of controls over permits for electricity generation plants.  Texas wanted to keep control of permitting in our hands and not the EPA’s.  The EPA’s intention was to take it over and start denying applications.  It’s what they do.

Here’s a snippy NPR article about the outcome of that case.  Forget the typical NPR bullshit, look at the photograph of Greg Abbott in the article.

Greg Abbott is wheelchair bound.  Nice photo, isn’t it?

Incidentally, Texas was thrown into the provisions of the Cross-State Air Pollution Rule based on a model that showed a monitor located across the street from a steel mill, shows a theoretical reading that is slightly above attainment.

A monitor in Illinois.

Let’s be very clear about the facts.  The last-minute inclusion of Texas in the sulfur dioxide portion of the rule is based on modeling that says an Illinois monitor, located across the street from a steel mill, shows a theoretical reading that is slightly above attainment.  Actual data from 2009 forward shows that this monitor is meeting the federal air quality standards today.  And even if the feds relied on their own computer simulated modeling predictions, that monitor would be in attainment in 2014 without any reductions from CSAPR.  So does Texas’ tenuous link to this monitor justify the state’s inclusion in CSAPR? No.

He’ll run for governor soon.  I’ll support him.