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NyQuil is for Pussies March 15, 2017

Posted by skinbad in Nature Shit, News.
13 comments

Ask your doctor if getting shot in the ass with a bear tranquilizer is right for you. Side effects may include sleeping through the winter months and a decreased desire for sex in the missionary position. What else ya got?

 

You win, geoff. January 12, 2017

Posted by skinbad in Ducks, Nature Shit, Personal Experiences.
6 comments

I guess I’ll tell you a chicken story to help push that bad batch of sour cream below farther down the page.

I think I’ve mentioned to some of you that we’ve had chickens for a few years. A neighbor wanted to get rid of theirs (that should always tell you something, in my humble opinion). Anyway, like pretty much all things that happen to change my personal inertia, my wife decided to do something: in this case, that we should have chickens. Unlike the time she had hinted she wanted new carpet for a couple of years and finally let me know she was serious by ripping it out and having it sitting in the driveway when I came home from work, this time, she insisted I prepare for this new brood by coming up with some sort of hen house.

We had a dog house my dad had given me. I remember him building it when I was about five. So that would put the dog house in the 45-year-old range. Dad built things to last. I figured I could build a frame of 2x4s with four legs to set the doghouse on to raise it up a couple of feet and replaced the tongue and groove/tin covered roof with a piece of 1/4″ plywood. I attached the roof to the front braces with hinges so the roof could be lifted up for egg retrieval. I also had to throw up a quick fenced area in the back yard and built a ramp for the new arrivals to get from the ground up to their new digs.

It worked all right. And the chickens were perfect assholes. They were skittish and high-strung and would freak at any approaching human. So, naturally, my wife decided we needed a few more. The next spring she bought five chicks and we raised those stinky things to adulthood before introducing them to the four life-scarred and world-weary malcontents in the back. But, I didn’t know if the little doghouse/coop would hold that many.

Someone we knew was building a new house a few blocks away and I asked if I could scavenge some of the pressboard pieces in the dumpster to come up with a larger coop. I built a larger version but with similar features. Notably the hinged roof–but this time I attached it to the back of the coop. Over the last couple of years, two of the hens somehow got themselves killed by neighborhood critters, so we’re down to seven, and they all fit just fine in the newer coop. But, the old one is still out in the chicken run about two feet away.

The chickens are odd. They always sleep (and crap) in the new coop, so we (meaning “I,” see how that usually works out?) have to clean it out and put in fresh bedding every 2-3 weeks. The old coop can have the same bedding for a year. The chickens are in and out of it all day long, but they never sleep in it and never crap in it. It’s like their weekend home that they don’t feel comfortable enough with to use the facilities.

So, last night we had a lot of wind from the southwest–also some snow. The new coop with the hinges on the back can have the roof blown up and over so that it’s hanging off the back side by its hinges. It’s happened two or three times over the past few years. I should work up a latch to fix my bad design but just haven’t done it.

When it became light enough to see out the back door this morning, we could see the roof had blown over. My wife went out to feed them and flip the roof back and found seven snow-covered chicken lumps. They were alive, but not very happy. They could have made the five foot journey to the old coop, but just sat there and got snowed on all night.

Conclusions? Chickens are stupid. Some are more pleasant than others. We got all different breeds just for variety sake. Some are known to get along with others (and you) better than other breeds. I think there’s some truth to that. Also, the ones we raised from chicks are nicer than the immigrants. They do provide eggs, but we buy mash and scratch so it might come out as a wash. They do dispose of/recycle a lot of your kitchen scraps. They will wander and find dogs to eat them and fall in window wells if you allow it. They are amazing diggers. This would be a better post with pictures, but I’m doing this on my lunch hour at work because the previously posted drumsticks offended my sensibilities enough that I felt a need to act.

 

Two Centered Pictures September 26, 2016

Posted by skinbad in Ballistics, Food, Handblogging, Nature Shit, Personal Experiences, Technology, Women Ranting.
15 comments

I know I’m behind the times, but the times for me have a-changed. The IT guy took my trusty Dell doorstop away and replaced it with this:

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It’s an Intel NUC. Kind of cool, I think. When is the last time you used the DVD player in your computer?

And furthermore: A neighbor called Saturday afternoon and asked if we wanted a hindquarter of an elk. My thrifty wife got very excited. Of course we do. That was about 3 p.m. We finished the kitchen Clorox wipe-down about 9 p.m. Elk are big mofos.

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I should have weighed it before starting. It had to weight 80 lbs. This was a new experience for me–thanks youtube. Also, a neighbor I called and asked if I could borrow his knife sharpener came over and helped me bone it (huhhuhuh). New respect for butchers gained–my hands and back are stiff, but there is a lot of meat in the freezer and on the shelf (we bottled a canner load).

Difference between Ravens and Crows May 5, 2016

Posted by Retired Geezer in Ducks, Nature Shit.
5 comments

… and Wine tasting.

Tiger By The Tail March 4, 2016

Posted by skinbad in Nature Shit.
5 comments

Local news had this story from the south end of the state–a mountain lion caught by accident in a bobcat trap. A couple of intrepid souls let it go.

That would be a little intense.

The Form of the Destructor Has Been Chosen January 27, 2016

Posted by daveintexas in Art, Blogroll, Crime, Ducks, Economics, Gardening, Heroes, Honor, Law, Mufuckin Pie!, Nature Shit, News, Science, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit, Stupid shit, Terrorist Hemorrhoids.
3 comments

kingcake.png

I couldn’t help it, it just popped in there.

Crap Tree 2015 December 5, 2015

Posted by daveintexas in Ballistics, Blogroll, Commenting Tips, Crime, Ducks, Economics, Handblogging, Heroes, History, Honor, Humor, Man Laws, Mufuckin Pie!, Nature Shit, News, Philosophy, Religion, Science, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit, Stupid shit, Terrorist Hemorrhoids, Women Ranting, WTF?.
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For Michael and the rest of you knuckleheads that I love.

May you all have a Merry Christmas.

Please do note the shotgun shell lights you could still smell the cordite on em if you were here.  IF.

 

 

 

This is Fascinating June 27, 2015

Posted by daveintexas in Politics, Literature, History, Philosophy, Crime, Sitemeter, Terrorist Hemorrhoids, Economics, Man Laws, Sex, Technology, Handblogging, Nature Shit, Stupid shit, Ballistics, WTF?, slutbags, Mufuckin Pie!.
5 comments

And a little unnerving. A real time map of global cyber attacks.

Man You Muhfuckers Are Depressing the Shit Outta Me March 25, 2015

Posted by daveintexas in Ballistics, Commenting Tips, Ducks, Economics, Gardening, Handblogging, Heroes, Law, Man Laws, Mufuckin Pie!, Nature Shit, News, Personal Experiences, Philosophy, Religion, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit, Stupid shit, Terrorist Hemorrhoids, Women Ranting, WTF?.
70 comments

Stop that STOP THAT! This is supposed to be an ‘appy occasion.

And how did I get nominated for the last post here ever? Geoff has been working his skinny butt off posting and such.

Ain’t right. Ain’t right.

 

Yes, this post is going to have a “theme”.

So. 2006 or thGFYerebouts. I was 47 years old. Geezer was 75, Peelie was 13 and LauraW was in county banging a tin cup on the bars and yelling “FILTHY SCREWS FILTHY SCREWS”.  If you never heard this stuff it’s all true email me I have documents and stuff.

I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t do this for a living you know.

In 2006 I had no idea how this worked. I had a kid in college and one on the way there.  I was just working and making jokes here and at Ace’s and getting to know you all.  And we’d get in comment threads and make absurd bitey faces at each other and joke around.  Then this, ace called it “The Splitters”.  So we did more stupid stuff and monkeys stopped flinging poop long enough to stare at us as if we were raving lunatics or something.  And then this amazing thing happened. I met some of you, most of you.  I actually came to places and saw your dorky faces and in person for reals.. met you.  You were already my friends then you became my in person touching hugging friends.  And every one of you every damn one of you hugged me and loved me and made me feel ten feet tall, bulletproof and invisible.  Thank you special people for the extra touches you know who you are and I won’t say it out loud here Geoff.

 

Hey Dave how about we all go some place across the country and meet each other for reals?

list
This place, this actual place made it be possible for me to meet you all.  To be friends and to love you. All your cares, all my cares. Fake internet friends became real friends. (thanks Al Gore).

Somehow it meant our personal lives became part of each other.  I am a part of you all. The goofy part, or maybe tummy gas. I’m still a part of you all.  Might be stinky. In a way I’d be proud if I was the stinky part.

OK then, I love you idiots. And I say idiots knowing I’m the idiot and you’re not I just have to drop that stuff at you because otherwise I’d gete sniffly and shit and no way no how am I gonna do that, fuck that.

I miss ya Harrison. You were one of the sweetest souls I’ve ever known who called me a friend. I miss Michael too.  He was a big dumb jerk but he was also my friend and he loved me and you all (and fuck cancer seriously fuck cancer, pineapple/sideways).  Oddly I miss them both in much the same way except I liked Harrison.

But I do need to say something very important that’s been on my heart for a long long time.

Michael, if you’re reading this (don’t you have better things to do?), I’m really sorry about the guest towels.  That was so wrong of me.  I feel bad about that, especially the part about me planting them in your pillowcase before I went home.

That was wrong of me.

Remember Pirate Talk?

tarnation

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you Michael, Geezer, for bringing people into my life that I never would have met. I never would have known them, never would have loved them like I do. Your gift to all of us is so fine. You thought you were making a silly thing. Geezer thought it was a joke, a funny.  Thank all of you for inviting me into your lives, your homes your personal space without freaking out.. much.

What you made was friendships. That’s what you did and that’s the legacy of the Splitters.

How Dave Feels About Centering Pictures

hay

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We people are the people we people care about. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. That’s what y’all did and you had no damn idea even that’s what you were doing. Like usual.

I love you idiots.

This place was a place. Better than ice cream. And ice cream kicks ass.

 

Y’all are better than ice cream and I still need you all in my life.

dis

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UPDATED

mf

For Michael January 24, 2015

Posted by daveintexas in History, Philosophy, Crime, Ducks, Man Laws, Handblogging, Art, Nature Shit, Honor, Ballistics, Mufuckin Pie!.
31 comments

the white

The flowers showed up 15 minutes before the service started. I think it would have driven Michael nuts, so that’s something. He was a bit of a planner and organizer.

My favorite Michael story with Cathy was about the first IB gathering, a Superbowl party at their home in Ohio. They were planning food for this big get together and for some reason they took my chili recipe from a post seriously.

That recipe was total bullshit. I loaded it up with insane hotness that no human would consume. Habanero, too many jalapenos, Tabasco, diesel fuel and some nuclear waste (even Tushar would have said “dude”).  I was just funning with everybody.  Anyway I was on my way to their house and Cathy called me and wanted to ask if she could tone down the habanero. I was completely confused.. tone down the what? For what?

And she said “your chili recipe”.

My chili recipe? What chili recipe? “From the blog post”.

A moment while driving on the interstate in Ohio.. then I remembered.  “You MADE THAT SHIT?”

Yes, it seemed a little hot so we were wondering if we could cut some of the peppers. I laughed.. “YOU CAN’T MAKE THAT IT WAS A JOKE. DON’T EAT THAT, IT’S PURE GASOLINE IT WAS A JOKE. RUN! CALL THE FD, GET THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER OUT IT’S TOXIC WASTE”

She said something about Michael wanting to make it for me (which could be a clue).

I think he actually liked supremely hot sauces more than me, he kept pimping that Marie whatever nuclear stuff all the time.

Anyway we all laughed about it and I remember drinking a beer with him later and telling him “I can’t believe you even made that shit” and all the while he kept insisting it seemed legit to him.

That was kind of our friendship. I loved tweaking him and seeing when I could get a rise out of him. Sometimes he’d take the bait, sometimes not. But we always laughed about it after. I’m gonna miss that.

These pics are purposefully not centered. Out of respect for the friendship he gave me. Which was huge.

the note

!!! November 27, 2013

Posted by daveintexas in Art, Ballistics, Crime, Economics, Food, Heroes, Man Laws, Mufuckin Pie!, Nature Shit, Pop Culture, Sex, Sports, Stupid shit, Women Ranting, WTF?.
7 comments

Pecan_pie,_November_2010

I Am In Charge of Meat Fire On Saturday October 7, 2013

Posted by daveintexas in Ballistics, Food, Nature Shit, Philosophy, Science, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit, Stupid shit, Women Ranting, WTF?.
11 comments

This is gonna be GREAT!

 

How_To_Start_A_Barbecue_Fire-1md (336x448)

 

Eerybody just chill.  I got this.