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Coloring by Headlines August 23, 2016

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Color me stunned:

State Dept Warns: Iran Seeking to Capture U.S. Citizens

 

And while we’re coloring, color me saddened that this is news and not a piece from the Onion:

Teenage Girl Ditches Smartphone For Flip Phone To Find Peace

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Site Stats August 22, 2016

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Hunh. That last trivial post was #6500 for Innocent Bystanders. We’re also closing in on 140,000 comments (we’re at 139,438), 200,000 visitors (currently 195,842), and 5.2 million views (currently 5,190,574).

Things are pretty sluggish these days, but that’s a fair amount of mileage for an AoSHQ spinoff.

From the “You Don’t Really Need to Click Through to Appreciate It” File August 21, 2016

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Musician balances on Pokeball while playing Pokemon theme on flaming bagpipes

Dressed as Charmander, I might add.
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National Enquirer Needs a New Scale August 21, 2016

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The National Enquirer has a slideshow about Hillary!’s health. While she does seem somewhat infirm to me, the points they raise are based on speculation and diagnosis-by-television, so it’s just a lot of noise. But one slide in particular cracked me up:

Hillary has gained 103 pounds since announcing her candidacy — making her now weigh a whopping 289 pounds!

Riiiggghhhttt….

I think we can safely discount the possibility of the National Enquirer pulling out another John Edwards-class scoop in this campaign.

Olympics, Photoshop-Style August 21, 2016

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Cute (click on the link, not on the photo):

Chart Envy August 20, 2016

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This chart makes me feel so underachieving, but a little tingly as well. It shows how subsidies & regulation reduce price competition, leading to increased prices:

 

He Must Have Been Following the US Presidential Election August 20, 2016

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“Indian man has 40 knives removed from stomach after ‘urge to eat them'”

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I know, brother, I know. Sometimes you feel like that Sweet Meteor of Death just can’t get here fast enough.

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Another Reason to Stay in Bed August 16, 2016

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Viruses ‘more dangerous in the morning’

The findings, published in PNAS, showed viruses were 10 times more successful if the infection started in the morning.

And the animal studies found that a disrupted body clock – caused by shift-work or jet lag – was always vulnerable to infection.

Essentially No Growth in Exports for 5 Years August 8, 2016

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Brave words from our president, issued some 6 1/2 years ago:

In January, in his State of the Union speech, President Obama promised to double exports in five years. In his comments Wednesday, he said the United States must work to remove trade barriers and open new markets.

BARACK OBAMA: “Ninety-five percent of the world’s customers and fastest-growing markets are beyond our borders. So if we want to find new growth streams, if we want to find new markets and new opportunity, we have got to compete for those new customers, because other nations are competing for those new customers.”

Of course you recall that moment in January 2015 when, despite continually congratulating himself on the wonders of his tepid economic recovery, his promise to double exports was shown to be nothing but wishful thinking.

And since then, we’ve seen exports actually decline, such that we’ve had essentially no growth since 2011:

ExportsRealityvsObamaAug2016

And these numbers aren’t even inflation-adjusted.

Biggest Godzilla Evah August 8, 2016

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Godzilla Resurgence was released last month in Japan, and may be released in the US later this year. The movie prompted one Noger Chen to put together a comparison of all the Godzillas since 1954.

Have a slice of awesome:

GodzillaSizeComparison

You’ll note that this year’s version is more than 10 meters taller than the 2014 version, which is almost 8% more atomic goodness than ever before.

Manufacturing Jobs: 2 Months to the President’s Abject Failure August 6, 2016

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President Obama’s rash and groundless promise to ‘add 1 million manufacturing jobs within 4 years’ has only two months left for a miracle to occur. And a miracle it will take: he’ll need to add 650K manufacturing jobs in two months to meet his milestone.

To put it another way, the president wants to be the pretty rainbow bar on the far right of the chart, but instead, he’s all the drab gray short bars that represent total fail:

ManufJobsAugust2016

Two months left before his jobs promise is proven to be the stuff of fantasy and idiocy.

Finally, the BLS Employment Report August 5, 2016

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The press is raving about the +255K jobs report, but by my metric things aren’t nearly so impressive:

FullTimeEmpvsCivPopAugust2016

Just crawling sideways again.

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