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Dunkirk and Shepard Tones August 2, 2017

Posted by Retired Geezer in Religion, Science.
5 comments

 

Pretty interesting article about the Soundtrack for Dunkirk and other dramatic movies;

The Babylon Bee May 12, 2016

Posted by digitalbrownshirt in Entertainment, Family, Heroes, Humor, News, Pop Culture, Religion, Websites.
12 comments

bible-man-1-696x371

It’s like the Onion, if the Onion focused on American Christian culture and was actually funny most of the time. A friend of mine who used to be the music minister at my church turned me on to it a few weeks back and now I find myself checking it regularly for new content. It’s probably not funny to people who don’t spend much time around  Christians, but I usually find stuff I want to share with my friends at least once a week.

 

Trigger Warning: If you like Donald Trump, Benny Hinn or Joel Osteen, you might not like the humor. They’re frequently part of the jokes since so many Christians have opinions, often conflicting, on them.

NASHVILLE, TN—Taking inspiration from grim Hollywood reboots like Man of Steel and Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice, B&H Kids announced Wednesday that it would be relaunching the Bibleman series of superhero stories in a dark and gritty resurrection of the purple-and-gold caped crusader.

“While previous Bibleman encounters have seen the titular hero happily dispatching villains intent on destroying the church and the Word of God, this time Bibleman is really taking the gloves off. The Israelites didn’t show mercy to the Midianites, and neither will the new-and-improved Bibleman to his foes. We’re talking blood and guts galore,” the statement released by B&H Kids stated in part.

The White Room April 5, 2016

Posted by Retired Geezer in Fashion, Religion.
4 comments

What questions would YOU ask?

 

Dumb Driver Drives off Cliff January 5, 2016

Posted by Retired Geezer in Ballistics, Religion.
6 comments

He’s alive thanks to superior Subaru engineering.

Crap Tree 2015 December 5, 2015

Posted by daveintexas in Ballistics, Blogroll, Commenting Tips, Crime, Ducks, Economics, Handblogging, Heroes, History, Honor, Humor, Man Laws, Mufuckin Pie!, Nature Shit, News, Philosophy, Religion, Science, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit, Stupid shit, Terrorist Hemorrhoids, Women Ranting, WTF?.
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For Michael and the rest of you knuckleheads that I love.

May you all have a Merry Christmas.

Please do note the shotgun shell lights you could still smell the cordite on em if you were here.  IF.

 

 

 

Man You Muhfuckers Are Depressing the Shit Outta Me March 25, 2015

Posted by daveintexas in Ballistics, Commenting Tips, Ducks, Economics, Gardening, Handblogging, Heroes, Law, Man Laws, Mufuckin Pie!, Nature Shit, News, Personal Experiences, Philosophy, Religion, Sex, Sidebar Flag Bullshit, Stupid shit, Terrorist Hemorrhoids, Women Ranting, WTF?.
70 comments

Stop that STOP THAT! This is supposed to be an ‘appy occasion.

And how did I get nominated for the last post here ever? Geoff has been working his skinny butt off posting and such.

Ain’t right. Ain’t right.

 

Yes, this post is going to have a “theme”.

So. 2006 or thGFYerebouts. I was 47 years old. Geezer was 75, Peelie was 13 and LauraW was in county banging a tin cup on the bars and yelling “FILTHY SCREWS FILTHY SCREWS”.  If you never heard this stuff it’s all true email me I have documents and stuff.

I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t do this for a living you know.

In 2006 I had no idea how this worked. I had a kid in college and one on the way there.  I was just working and making jokes here and at Ace’s and getting to know you all.  And we’d get in comment threads and make absurd bitey faces at each other and joke around.  Then this, ace called it “The Splitters”.  So we did more stupid stuff and monkeys stopped flinging poop long enough to stare at us as if we were raving lunatics or something.  And then this amazing thing happened. I met some of you, most of you.  I actually came to places and saw your dorky faces and in person for reals.. met you.  You were already my friends then you became my in person touching hugging friends.  And every one of you every damn one of you hugged me and loved me and made me feel ten feet tall, bulletproof and invisible.  Thank you special people for the extra touches you know who you are and I won’t say it out loud here Geoff.

 

Hey Dave how about we all go some place across the country and meet each other for reals?

list
This place, this actual place made it be possible for me to meet you all.  To be friends and to love you. All your cares, all my cares. Fake internet friends became real friends. (thanks Al Gore).

Somehow it meant our personal lives became part of each other.  I am a part of you all. The goofy part, or maybe tummy gas. I’m still a part of you all.  Might be stinky. In a way I’d be proud if I was the stinky part.

OK then, I love you idiots. And I say idiots knowing I’m the idiot and you’re not I just have to drop that stuff at you because otherwise I’d gete sniffly and shit and no way no how am I gonna do that, fuck that.

I miss ya Harrison. You were one of the sweetest souls I’ve ever known who called me a friend. I miss Michael too.  He was a big dumb jerk but he was also my friend and he loved me and you all (and fuck cancer seriously fuck cancer, pineapple/sideways).  Oddly I miss them both in much the same way except I liked Harrison.

But I do need to say something very important that’s been on my heart for a long long time.

Michael, if you’re reading this (don’t you have better things to do?), I’m really sorry about the guest towels.  That was so wrong of me.  I feel bad about that, especially the part about me planting them in your pillowcase before I went home.

That was wrong of me.

Remember Pirate Talk?

tarnation

 

 

 

 

 

Thank you Michael, Geezer, for bringing people into my life that I never would have met. I never would have known them, never would have loved them like I do. Your gift to all of us is so fine. You thought you were making a silly thing. Geezer thought it was a joke, a funny.  Thank all of you for inviting me into your lives, your homes your personal space without freaking out.. much.

What you made was friendships. That’s what you did and that’s the legacy of the Splitters.

How Dave Feels About Centering Pictures

hay

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We people are the people we people care about. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. That’s what y’all did and you had no damn idea even that’s what you were doing. Like usual.

I love you idiots.

This place was a place. Better than ice cream. And ice cream kicks ass.

 

Y’all are better than ice cream and I still need you all in my life.

dis

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

UPDATED

mf

How to Become Gluten Intolerant March 18, 2015

Posted by Retired Geezer in Food, Religion.
6 comments

Interview with G*d September 10, 2014

Posted by Retired Geezer in Philosophy, Religion.
3 comments

Obligatory God post for this year.

 

 

Unbelievable Ad November 1, 2013

Posted by Retired Geezer in Religion, Science.
2 comments

Anamorphic Illusions + Forced Perspective = Mind Blown.

 

 

 

Strange Things are Afoot at the Circle K (and in Utah) August 8, 2013

Posted by skinbad in Crime, Entertainment, Law, Religion, slutbags.
5 comments

I believe Russ said something about Utah being a Florida-in-training after the great human meat thermometer caper.

I’m beginning to wonder if he’s on to something.

You’ve probably heard of Miss Riverton a.k.a. Miss Demeanor.  She was arrested for “pranking” people by throwing homemade bombs at them. I guess that’s actually a felony for the blond bombshell. When asked for a statement she simply said she had no interest whatsoever in that “world peace shit.”

Meanwhile, down in Moab, we also have one of those firefighter/police rivalries that got a little out of hand.

  • Firefighter sleeps with police officer’s wife
  • Police officer catches them and pistol whips firefighter
  • Firefighter goes home and stabs himself
  • Police officer tries to get into operating room to “finish the job”

Did I mention that the firefighter is the police officer’s father?

And finally, on a happier note, we have Elders Harrelson and Snipes doing a little missionary “street contacting.” The shirt-and-tied young men asked to play a little ball while doing some missionary work in Texas. One of the lads was on a state champion basketball team and will play wide receiver for a local college after his mission. I would agree, as some have pointed out, that this rim may not be regulation height, but still, let the hijinks begin:

 

 

 

ObamaCareNado July 18, 2013

Posted by Retired Geezer in Humor, Religion.
2 comments

“There is a religious war going on in our country for the soul of America.” July 3, 2013

Posted by skinbad in Handblogging, Religion, Stupid shit.
4 comments

Pat Buchanan was right. The Islamic rift between Sunni and Shia has nothing on Mormon seat-savers vs. non-seat-savers. Other than the fisticuffs and vehicular mayhem, I’m siding with the non-seat-saver philosophically.  Five or fewer minutes before meeting go-time, the seat savers need to just give it up.