Innocent Bystanders

Man You Muhfuckers Are Depressing the Shit Outta Me March 25, 2015

Stop that STOP THAT! This is supposed to be an ‘appy occasion.

And how did I get nominated for the last post here ever? Geoff has been working his skinny butt off posting and such.

Ain’t right. Ain’t right.

Yes, this post is going to have a “theme”.

So. 2006 or therebouts. I was 47 years old. Geezer was 75, Peelie was 13 and LauraW was in county banging a tin cup on the bars and yelling “FILTHY SCREWS FILTHY SCREWS”.  If you never heard this stuff it’s all true email me I have documents and stuff.

I don’t know what I’m doing here. I don’t do this for a living you know.

In 2006 I had no idea how this worked. I had a kid in college and one on the way there.  I was just working and making jokes here and at Ace’s and getting to know you all.  And we’d get in comment threads and make absurd bitey faces at each other and joke around.  Then this, ace called it “The Splitters”.  So we did more stupid stuff and monkeys stopped flinging poop long enough to stare at us as if we were raving lunatics or something.  And then this amazing thing happened. I met some of you, most of you.  I actually came to places and saw your dorky faces and in person for reals.. met you.  You were already my friends then you became my in person touching hugging friends.  And every one of you every damn one of you hugged me and loved me and made me feel ten feet tall, bulletproof and invisible.  Thank you special people for the extra touches you know who you are and I won’t say it out loud here Geoff.

Hey Dave how about we all go some place across the country and meet each other for reals?

This place, this actual place made it be possible for me to meet you all.  To be friends and to love you. All your cares, all my cares. Fake internet friends became real friends. (thanks Al Gore).

Somehow it meant our personal lives became part of each other.  I am a part of you all. The goofy part, or maybe tummy gas. I’m still a part of you all.  Might be stinky. In a way I’d be proud if I was the stinky part.

…

OK then, I love you idiots. And I say idiots knowing I’m the idiot and you’re not I just have to drop that stuff at you because otherwise I’d gete sniffly and shit and no way no how am I gonna do that, fuck that.

I miss ya Harrison. You were one of the sweetest souls I’ve ever known who called me a friend. I miss Michael too.  He was a big dumb jerk but he was also my friend and he loved me and you all (and fuck cancer seriously fuck cancer, pineapple/sideways).  Oddly I miss them both in much the same way except I liked Harrison.

But I do need to say something very important that’s been on my heart for a long long time.

Michael, if you’re reading this (don’t you have better things to do?), I’m really sorry about the guest towels.  That was so wrong of me.  I feel bad about that, especially the part about me planting them in your pillowcase before I went home.

That was wrong of me.

Remember Pirate Talk?

Thank you Michael, Geezer, for bringing people into my life that I never would have met. I never would have known them, never would have loved them like I do. Your gift to all of us is so fine. You thought you were making a silly thing. Geezer thought it was a joke, a funny.  Thank all of you for inviting me into your lives, your homes your personal space without freaking out.. much.

What you made was friendships. That’s what you did and that’s the legacy of the Splitters.

How Dave Feels About Centering Pictures

We people are the people we people care about. We are the ones we’ve been waiting for. That’s what y’all did and you had no damn idea even that’s what you were doing. Like usual.

I love you idiots.

This place was a place. Better than ice cream. And ice cream kicks ass.

Y’all are better than ice cream and I still need you all in my life.

UPDATED