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Another Reason Why the US Should Conquer Canada January 26, 2008

Posted by Michael in Politics, Sports.
Tags: ,

I have previously spoken out on this subject, and offered cogent reasons for conquering Canada (the unfinished business of the War of 1812, energy supplies, undefended border, excessive taxes in Canada, etc.).  However, I neglected to mention that we should also conquer Canada because they do stupid shit and need our guidance.  For example, Extreme Ice Skating:

MONTREAL (Reuters) – Not content to simply play hockey on frozen ponds or waltz along canals that have turned to ice, some Canadians prefer to amuse themselves with a more extreme form of outdoor skating. In Quebec City, skaters will hurtle through the city’s historic quarter on a 1,755-ft track of ice that has steep drops and sharp turns resembling a bobsleigh run. For added fun, the track includes a series of washboard bumps.

Seriously, this is idiotic.  I know, there are lots of “extreme” sports out there today.  But Extreme Ice Skating is uniquely dangerous and gay.  Somebody needs to get those Canadians back in line.

Canadians opt for extreme form of ice skating

U.S. Leads The World With 90 Guns Per 100 People August 28, 2007

Posted by Michael in Man Laws.

This means that Americans have adequate firepower to conquer Canada right now,   even without help from the military. We just need to get organized so that we all charge north at the same time. The ten percent who don’t have a gun can make sammiches to feed us as soon as the war is over. I figure the war will take about one hour and forty-five minutes, so we should get started by 10 a.m. in order to not miss lunch.

GENEVA (Reuters) – The United States has 90 guns for every 100 citizens, making it the most heavily armed society in the world, a report released on Tuesday said.

U.S. citizens own 270 million of the world’s 875 million known firearms, according to the Small Arms Survey 2007 by the Geneva-based Graduate Institute of International Studies.

About 4.5 million of the 8 million new guns manufactured worldwide each year are purchased in the United States, it said.

“There is roughly one firearm for every seven people worldwide. Without the United States, though, this drops to about one firearm per 10 people,” it said.

Also interesting — only 12% of privately owned firearms worldwide are believed to be registered with authorities.

U.S. most armed country with 90 guns per 100 people | U.S. | Reuters