Dude, Just Let Her Go. Just Let Her Go. May 17, 2009
Posted by Edward von Bear in Ducks, Handblogging, Humor, Law, Music, Sports.Tags: Get a life loser, shirlena?, video douchebaggery, WOW!
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Ben Ryan is some guy I never heard of until today. And after viewing this video, ostensibly about losing his woman, I want to go back in time and hack off my hand for clicking on this video.
I have never seen a person cash out their integrity chips like this guy did when he made this masterpiece, knowing it would be mocked by fools like me. All over a failed relationship. He should have saved this level of angst and willingness to humiliate oneself for something important, like a burnt pizza or an undercooked steak.
*WARNING: VERY LONG SELF INDULGENT VIDEO TO FOLLOW*
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Innocent Bystanders 
Man, that guy sure loves to film his own ass.
Lauren was right to dump him.
He’s a loser with a Capital Ell.
I’m meeting Geezer in Vegas.
I’m meeting Geezer in Vegas.
Nooooooooooooo!
Lauren, don’t do that. Geezer is sick. He just wants to shine a flashlight on your boobs.
*Geezer looks up from buying high-powered LED flashlight online*
Huh?
I made it to 2:02 and those two minutes I can never have back. Thanks Edward. Its not like I have a lot to spare you know.
Awwww, heh.
When I see you smiiiii-iiile
*flashes grin*
Right there is when I started cracking up.
Why throw hay in the barn and then out again? Seems like an unnecessary middle step, there.
He probably told Loren he wanted to see ‘Other People’ and now it’s two years later and he’s realized what a jackass move that was.
Or he humped her best friend.
*thinks up more reasons*
No, no: she caught him masturbating to the Mr. Universe competition.
No,
Wait
I GOT IT: She met a guy who loved her ass more than his own.
She must have been a big girl if he’s having to do all that rock-moving and tire-flipping all by himself now.
5:
Sorry. I forgot elderly people can only go for so long before they start asking where their slippers are.
I’m thinking he was a clingy, controlling, needy douche-bag freak and she got tired of being smothered by his mommy issues.
Just a guess.
Hahahahahaaa
check out what steve_in_hb sent me:
That’s one for all you parents out there…
I wish Steve would hang around more. There’s been a distinct drop in the level of pure, blackhearted, Capital-E, Evil on my favorite sites.
Oh, I remember well his tangle with RWS…heheh. That was awesome.
Phony, huffy Belle dignity vs. the clear-eyed malice and terrible manners of a Jersey boy…no fucking contest. Where is that clash? I have popcorn, I’d like to see it again.
oops, sorry for the embed. Forgot it does that now.
Phony, huffy Belle dignity vs. the clear-eyed malice and terrible manners of a Jersey boy…no fucking contest.
Funny you should mention that — I just recently reread that thread and it was indeed hilarious. I must have been deleting spam or something. Can’t remember where it was though.
I also saw, just a couple of days ago, some comments where Steve was schooling me on how he plays poker. The guy is a fucking genius.
Seriously, I kinda wondered how he could actually make a living playing poker online, but after he talked about the discipline a little, there was no doubt in my mind that he could make money even going up against experienced players.
Yes he is awesome.
I loved how RWS kept protesting that she was not claiming to be better than anyone else.
That drove Steve crazy.
BWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA!
Good times . . .
Is there any way I can search for it? Do you remember anything about the post?
>> wasn’t claiming to be better than anyone else.
Damn I had forgotten that one. I decided she was just unclear on the concept. The concept of denying outright the precise thing you are doing and seeing if that claim confused anyone long enough for you to pull it off.
The funny thing (to me) was how she kept running into that Jersey boy’s complete lack of patience for bullshit, combined with almost disbelief at being called on it. Like thats “rude” or something.
Well Laura, it took awhile, but I found it for you.
It was actually kinda worth doing, because I had to wade through 18 pages of Steve comments before I got to the right thread and I was grinning the whole time. Damn, I had forgotten how he used to bitch slap me around.
I don’t remember if anybody tried to help her out of that one, do you?
*claps hands*
GOODIE!
Thank you Michael!
I don’t remember if anybody tried to help her out of that one, do you?
I just sat back and enjoyed.
Oh, GOD, that was the ‘my friend Brad’ thread too, I’m dying. Bookmarked.
*reading now
>> if anyone tried to help her…
JackM?
HAHAHAHAHAHA. Oh I kill myself sometimes.
Wow I just reread that thing. It all started with a dildo. Good times.
Yeah laura, it looks like we left her standing there with her dick in her hand.
I remember a long time ago considering whether that should be one of the “Classic IB Comment Threads” in the sidebar when I first set up that feature.
After six seconds of reflection, I said to myself “no fucking way.”
Still, it is a classic of a sort.
Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice. Beetlejuice.
Say my name 3 times and I appear.
If I remember correctly, Bart came to her rescue and chastised all of you for letting it happen.
You guys will be happy to know I no longer play poker for a living. I bet sports instead with a small syndicate of fellow anal, geeky, math/stats types who are similarly predisposed to placing themselves outside normal society. I have some good stories about Walmart bags filled with cash, walking around Vegas with 36k in cash stuffed in my cargo short pockets while I’m stoned off my ass on pot brownies, cruising seedy Irish bars in Seal Beach looking for a loser who thought he could decide when to give me the 11k of my money he was holding on to.
Ok, now I feel a little less bad about being mean to RWS.
>> It all started with a dildo.
Yep. Same as the Great Chicago Fire.
Got to be careful with those things.
hey Steve.
Sounds like a pretty dull life, Steve.
Did you catch the story about me ordering a new coupler for my Polaris pool cleaner?
Hey Steve! Hope all is well with you. I’ve missed your comments.
Michael – Were you on weed while you ordered it?
DIT –
RWS: “I’m great, you all suck.”
Steve:”How can you say ‘I’m great, you all suck'”?
RWS:”I never said that – you are uncharitably interpreting my words in order to be mean to me.”
Steve: Head explodes.
Mrs. Peel – How’d thins work out with the boy/man you were involved with?
I just sat back and enjoyed.
Just re-read it…looks like I actually tried to tell them not to fight anymore. What the Hell was I thinking??
Steve, I think you are about three boy/men behind in the story of Mrs. Peel’s social life.
She just chews them up and spits them out.
lauraw – jut go back to thinking about pretty ribbons and kittens…the rest of us will handle the heavy lifting.
Michael – maybe the “chewing” and “spitting” is the problem – generally not what I look for in a girl.
looks like I actually tried to tell them not to fight anymore
Hey, give me some credit, I tried to change the topic to bluegills.
Didn’t work.
Finally watched the video in the post (well, skimmed).
I’m going to go out on a limb here (because I really don’t understand women), but I suspect the reaction from Loren would be cringing and loathing.
Just a guess.
generally not what I look for in a girl
Don’t make any hasty judgments. I’ve met Mrs. Peel in person since you last showed up here. She’s hot.
You have to admit, Dave, that guy has a spectacular ass. He’s justifiably proud of it.
He may “love” Loren. But he adores himself.
Guessing that might be a problem.
I like all his outfits except the spandex one. That was wrong and bad.
Oooo, kittens!
Spandex just can’t be a good fashion choice for a guy. I mean, I’m not afraid to push the envelope, but I have to say no to spandex.
Of course, on me spandex would look like bandaging a burn victim. Or a sausage wrap. Not sure. Maybe some guys can pull off that look.
He may “love” Loren. But he adores himself. Guessing that might be a problem.
Guessing, he loves the idea of love (noun). Don’t think he knows crap about how to love (verb).
Dated a guy like that in high school. Handsome. Hunk. Farmer. Into himself. Not the sharpest tool in the barn. And clueless.
Couldn’t figure out why I was just not that into him.
*not great memories*
I must have been in rehab during that RWS/Steve thread. In a strange twist of fate, Michael would later give RWS main page commenter status and I would object enough to get her to quit. In all honesty, though, I was more worried about her trolls descending onto IB then about her.
I objected too, Brewfan. She was posting 6 or 7 times in a row. It was becoming the All RWS Blog.
Hey Steve! Great to see you back. We’ve missed you.
Well, I didn’t object to her content so much as her prolificness.
Yeah, it’s a word, bite me.
She was like WP after he saw Jesus.
Pope out.
I’m out the door to go to California. Maybe I’ll see Steve.
She was posting 6 or 7 times in a row.
That took me by surprise too, given that she had quit her own blog. I figured that she would just be kind of an occasional contributor here.
Welcome to our new friend from Sudan!
That video is so gay that it has teh full-blown AIDS.
*punches eddiebear in the dick*
Also, Michael told me that Loren chick stars in a lot of farm porn.
Steve in HB, Professional Gambler. That is indeed shocking. Welcome back bro.
Has anyone seen my slippers?
Right there, next to your walker.
*punches eddiebear in the dick*
Rosetta, thank you.
You should do that more often. Seriously, Eddie needs lots of dick-punching, like all Catholics. But as the Site Administrator, I can’t do that. I’m supposed to be kind of impartial.
Well, I’m impartial until people like Dave or Brewfan need instruction on Pure Lutheran Doctrine™.
Please don’t punch me in the dick.
^
Just leave the miniblinds open. You never know when I might fly up to Ohio.
I SWEAR that as Dolph Lundgren there was rolling tires or something, I thought that lady’s name was Loren. Then, as the flag unruffled *SPOILER* there was her name.*/SPOILER*
God have mercy on my soul if I ever resort to YouTube to resolve my ridiculously lousy track record with women.
Also, I leave for three years, and now Sparkles is a bad guy?
No, Mac, Sparkle is not a bad guy.
We all (excepting Steve) actually like Sparkle.
I remember when I used to refer to her as the “fair flower of Southern womanhood.”
It is still an apt description.
I remember your blog, by the way. I used to read it, before it disappeared.
Gah. Pure Lutheran Doctrine is like watching a kid try to eat a popsicle with a slide rule and a phaser set on “casserole”.
See, Dave’s comment right there is what I’m talking about. Catholics are teachable. Baptists are a problem. Calvinists are even worse.
Don’t get me started on the Mormons.
*Michael glares at Mormons*
Why do they keep showing up here, at a site run by a Lutheran bigot?
Yeah, whatever Batman. It was the “Great Suggestion”.
I’m sure that’s what it was. Bad translation.
Michael – You continue to harp upon the Calvinists! Did you not enjoy Calvin and Hobbes?
Because, Michael, we need to let everyone that God loves even Lutherans.
I think I went to a Lutheran church once or twice. Or maybe it was Presbyterian, I get them confused.
phaser set on “caserole”
That is one of the best comments EVER!!!
. . . God loves even Lutherans.
Aw, Musli, that was actually kinda sweet. Thank you.
I think I went to a Lutheran church once or twice. Or maybe it was Presbyterian, I get them confused.
Fuck you, VMax. Are you actually saying that you confused Lutherans with those frickin’ whacko Presbyterians? Fuck you.
Did you not enjoy Calvin and Hobbes?
Yes. That was the best strip ever, except maybe for Dilbert. I even kept up a Washington Post subscription to follow that.
Yeah, whatever Batman. It was the “Great Suggestion”.
OK, Dave, I just now figured out that you were referring to the Great Commission. That was funny. I admit it. It was also a theologically asture joke.
Maybe Baptists are not totally wrong.
BTW, joking aside, I am probably more ecumenical than 96% of Lutherans.
Let’s just keep that between us.
Well, maybe it was Lutherans and Anglicans, or Catholics. I Get all that high liturgy mixed up. It is cool and stuff….well mostly stuffy.
Heheheh.
VMax, I’m mildly OK if you confused Lutherans with Anglicans or Catholics. That is understandable. You just went too far with Presbyterians. What’s next? Are you going to say we look like Methodists?
GAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!
I want you people to think about something.
Why do you think we get visitors from Somalia and Qatar and St. Lucia?
They are hungering for Pure Lutheran Doctrine™, that’s why.
Na, I started out Methodist. Then went south
Honestly Michael. I spent a year in training for a mission group in the 80’s. One of the requirements was to get involved in a local Church. I was in Concord New Hampshire at the time. They did not have a Wide range of churches, so I spent a year in a Lutheran church there, and while not what I was used to, I really did enjoy it.
I did a search for ‘casserole.’
I went here, and yes it was snowy most of the year
http://www.concordialutheranchurch.org/
I will post a Zeke Pic and quit bothering you nice people
How can you not love a face like that?
Vmax, one thing we do wrong is name everything “Concordia”.
It’s like we have this fixation on The Book of Concord, which was basically us telling the Pope why he’s wrong.
I mean, that’s not all bad, but I think we do it to death.
Speaking of theologically astute jokes, my best friend just bought Apples to Apples: Bible Edition.
That game would be hilarious with the right group of people, but I think with most people (including the people she intends to play it with), it will fall flat, because it will be really hard to be funny but not excessively irreverent or offensive.
steve, I ditched the last guy a few weeks before Ike. Since then, I’ve been on dates with several guys, but nothing serious.
It’s like I said, Peel chews them up and spits them out.
Did you think an elf would be otherwise?
I would also like to welcome our new visitor from Lithuania.
Perhaps, Mr. Lithuania, you do not understand my comments about Mrs. Peel, but you can rely on my judgment. She looks harmless, but do not date her unless you have steel gonads.
Just sayin’.
Apples To Apples was a cool game.
Bible Edition? Is it the King James Version, the New American Bible, or the Vulgate?
Max rolling in the dirt
Max with a orange
I read the Vulgate in Latin 4
Man, you really are into this flag thing, aren’t you?
Oh, I see the flag of the Starship Enterprise has checked in. Well played.
Dicit qui testimonium perhibet istorum etiam venio cito amen veni Domine Iesu.
Thanks for the setup, Eddie.
I made this P-Touch label and stuck it on the dashboard of my Sprinkler work truck. It’s a Latin Phrase: Primum non nocere
Probably 5 of you morons will know what that means but I’m offering Bonus Points for somebody to tell me how to pronounce it.
Or, Hunky McFarmerton and his film crew could be playing us all and getting a great laugh out of it. As a matter of fact, I don’t think I want to live in a world where that video isn’t a wry, ironic joke about lost love. Hey Steve.
How can you not love a face like that? That is the most gorgeous, kissable little face. I want to rub his ears.
OMG guys, I just sat down at my desk and was staring off into space when I caught some movement out of the corner of my eye. It was a HUGE FUCKING ROACH running across my desk!
I yelped and Mr. L came in and knocked the roach off the desk — right into my purse. He then took the purse outside and killed the bastard.
The Bug Dude comes by and sprays regularly, so this must be a freak thing.
*Planning on sleeping with covers over head*
I remember the roaches in Vegas and the Black Widows that you find about knee level when you wander out in your back yard at night.
I haven’t seen a roach since we moved to the Spud State, can’t say the same thing about Black Widows though.
I’ll tell you what we have a bunch of…. Earwigs.
Hurghada, Egypt, 1984, Cheap Hotel:
Lipstick goes to the bathroom down the hall. Toilet is seatless and filthy. Lipstick performs the hover maneuver. HUGE roaches race toward her feet from all angles and she stamps her feet to discourage them. She stamps and finishes and heads back to the cheap hotel room. Roaches chase her down the hall.
True story.
Geezer — Black Widows??!!
Ah yes, I foresee a restful night’s sleep indeed.
90 comments? On IB?? Did Michael kidnap a Hostage thread and hold it for ransom?
RG – Latin is dead simple to pronounce: Primum non nocere = PRE’moom NOHn NOH’care ray. The letter r isslightly trilled. The primary stress is always on the first syllable and the vowels always have the same pronuciation. I = long e, O = Oh, U= oo, E=ay, A = ah.
*itches at roach stories*
Most roaches run when you turn on the lights.
It’s the one that don’t run ya gotta worry about. A roach that ain’t got nuthin to lose is a problem.
Milqetoast the cockroach.
RG:
“First, do no harm.”
Pree-mo non no-sernee, IIRC.
roaches….shiver. I’ve lived in a few hovels, one in particular that was completely infested. Those bastards were so big they cast a shadow.
Picture a screaming mimi with a newborn baby on her hip swinging a plunger at a roach on the bathroom rug. I’ll never forget it.
Ah yes. The twitching bug-shivers, closely followed by the full-body buggy freakout a la Katherine Hepburn in African Queen.
Remember them well. Still can’t quite believe people live that way and don’t seem to care.
Thanks, guys.
Enas: Primum non nocere = PRE’moom NOHn NOH’care ray.
Eddie: Pree-mo non no-sernee,
I can accept the first parts of those translations but I’m not sure on the ‘c’, is it a hard c like a ‘k’ or soft like an ‘s’?
The reason I have that saying on the dashboard of my truck is to remind myself to be careful and not break anything when working on ‘ancient’ sprinkler systems.
This Has Happened!
It does not make me happy.
after more thought, I think it’s “NOH-cherry”.
Gawd, I was great at reading and translating, the speaking was a different deal.
Good thing there aren’t any Romans to get pissed at me for my bad American accent
Good thing there aren’t any Romans to get pissed at me for my bad
American accenttaste in shoes.Fixed.
*Geezer chuckles to himself, softly.
Oh yes the “c”. Again Latin is really simple here – always the hard k sound and never the s. I gotta disagree with EVB though, no “ch” sound in there.
If you were speaking Italian, I believe that C would be a ‘ch’ sound, Ed, but in Latin it is definitely a ‘K’ sound.
I took three years of Latin in HS. Don’t remember much vocab anymore but I do remember that.
I won’t even bother with the video. I got the gist of it from the comments.
Mrs. Sobek ran a marathon on Saturday.
^yeah, but can she lift logs like Romeo?
All kidding aside, congrats.
Congrats, Mrs. Sobek!
There are various pronunciation systems for Latin (ancient, ecclesiastical, etc.) depending on why one is using Latin and how pretentious one wants to be.
This is why my first true language is German
No one who speaks German can be evil.
“…and how pretentious one wants to be.”
I’ll take “as pretentious as physically possible,” thank you.
yeah, but can she lift logs like Romeo?
No. I have very weak upper body strength and skinny arms. Marathon running strengthens your legs and lung capacity…and mental fortitude.
Sobek, though, has got great arms. He can do several sets of push ups with our boys on his back. And he’s not scary obsessive, like the prick in the video.