We’ll Be Watching You, Chairman Bernanke April 30, 2006
Posted by Michael in Humor, Music.comments closed
Stansbury at The Blorg has put up a wonderful video spoof of "Every Breath You Take" (that he found at Michelle Malkin). It riffs on the recent appointment of Ben Bernanke to replace Greenspan at the Federal Reserve Board. The video was put together by students at Columbia Business School to razz their dean, who didn't get the job.
This is going to be a classic. The music is even good.
Remember AOSHQ? April 30, 2006
Posted by Michael in Websites.comments closed
Has Ace of Spades HQ changed?
Ace seems the same to me, but some think the blog has changed. A recent email from Geezer, and a comment in one of Ace's threads by Geoff a few weeks ago, both pointed to the same cause — the corrosive effect of Mike the Troll and his ilk on the atmosphere there.
Mike is annoying, sure, but that's not the only factor. Look at Ace's Sitemeter:
That's right, in the last year our buddy Ace has more than doubled his traffic.
Good for Ace, I say. You're looking at advertising revenue right there, and the hard-working Mr. Spades surely earns every nickel.
I still read Ace almost every day, and don't plan to kick the habit any time soon. Still, I miss the "good old days" when the site had a clubbier atmosphere, and you felt like you knew most of the commenters. There was genuine shared excitement at AOSHQ during the run-up to an election, threads that just went crazy (the Jeff Gannon thread still stands out in my mind as providing a truly memorable evening of hilarity), great story-telling by the commenters (compos mentis still gets my vote for the funniest comment I've ever seen on a blog), the Paul Anka jokes, the good-natured flame wars, the haiku contests, the endless Dick Cheney gags, the AOSHQ Lifestyle™, and so on.
I'm thinking that when Innocent Bystanders gets to about 250,000 visitors per month, we just won't let anyone else in. So tell your friends and neighbors to start reading now, before we slam the door, or they will be crying on the outside as soon as we pick up about another 246,000 monthly visits.
What the Brawny Man eats when the day REALLY looks at him funny – Mrs. Peel April 30, 2006
Posted by Mrs. Peel in Food, Humor.comments closed
I present to you: Beeramisu.
Paul's Beeramisu recipe calls for ladyfinger cookies to be bathed in a deep, rich porter beer mixture that has been blended with strong coffee. Not a Budweiser can in sight. It takes its cue from its traditional cousin by utilizing creamy mascarpone cheese sweetened with a bit of sugar as the foundation. If you are looking for a delicious, impressive, quick no-bake dessert – this is it.
That sounds even grosser than tiramisu. Doesn't anyone make Dr. Pepper-misu?
(For those who are not familiar with the Brawny man and wish to become so, go here, click on Pre-Made, and select clips from the drop-down menu. "Random Breakdown" is the one I was referencing. The clips take a while to load, but I promise they're worth it.)
*Yaaawn.* Jack’s Back. -Lauraw April 29, 2006
Posted by anycomments in AA - Uncategorized.comments closed
And I'd like to correct his post; he says "bunch of freakin' pony killers."
When we all know that pony's demise was due to one person.
And as lame as that bit was getting, I think we can agree that pony's ghost is waaay lamer.*
Anyway, we have the rest of the weekend to think up more questions for Jack to mock answer.
*though a deceased pony that is able to materialize for a few moments to ejaculate on something before it disappears again is tailor-made for an occasional cameo appearance.
Need Advice? About Anything? For Free? April 29, 2006
Posted by Michael in Websites.comments closed
Questions are again being accepted by the outsourced Innocent Bystanders Advice Department.
Our staff of exploited third-world Professional Advisors is standing by to help you.
Another dog assasination scenario April 28, 2006
Posted by kevlarchick in Personal Experiences.comments closed
I'm driving down my street and there's my dog Lucky sitting in the front yard, waiting for me. Sounds lovely, right? Good dog, right? Wrong.
She's not supposed to be in the front yard–somehow she got out. Does she come when I call? No. She takes off and I chase her in the car, calling sweetly "wanna go bye-bye?"
Eventually, she jumps in my car door. She's soaking wet and has obviously rolled in something dead. Now I have eau de wet dog and dead animal in my car and all over me. We get home, I throw my desecrated clothes in the laundry room and head upstairs to my room. Lo and behold, there is her majesty, that inbred bitch, on my bed, on my PILLOW. Befouling my pillow!
I don't own a gun. I have several baseball bats, sharp knives, a nail gun, and some strong rope, however.
All I've done so far is gone out and bought some cold beer.
I want Dave's beagle. Or Civetta's horse. Or Pony. Somebody make me an offer I can't refuse.
“Nuestro Himno” April 28, 2006
Posted by Michael in Politics.comments closed
Brace yourself for a frenzy of overreaction on the conservative side of the blogosphere:
By David Montgomery
Updated: 5:59 a.m. ET April 28, 2006
Oh say can you see — a la luz de la aurora?
The national anthem that once endured the radical transformation administered by Jimi Hendrix's fuzzed and frantic Stratocaster now faces an artistic dare at least as extreme: translation into Spanish.
I call bullshit. The Hendrix version really was a genuine "artistic dare." Singing the national anthem in Spanish with a Latin beat is not.
The new take is scheduled to hit the airwaves today. It's called "Nuestro Himno" — "Our Anthem" — and it was recorded over the past week by Latin pop stars including Ivy Queen, Gloria Trevi, Carlos Ponce, Tito "El Bambino," Olga Tañon and the group Aventura. Joining and singing in Spanish is Haitian American artist Wyclef Jean.
Why did the Haitian guy have to sing in Spanish? Seems like they could have let him do a verse in French. I thought the lefties were supposed to be inclusive.
Can "The Star-Spangled Banner," and the republic for which it stands, survive? Outrage over what's being called "The Illegal Alien Anthem" is already building in the blogosphere and among conservative commenters.
Yes, the republic will survive the singing of the national anthem in Spanish.
Timed to debut the week Congress returned to debate immigration reform, with the country riven by the issue, "Nuestro Himno" is intended to be an anthem of solidarity for the movement that has drawn hundreds of thousands of people to march peacefully for immigrant rights in Washington and cities across the country, says Adam Kidron, president of Urban Box Office, the New York-based entertainment company that launched the project.
OK, I get it. It's not a coincidence that the song is being released now. Thanks for clearing that up, Adam. And by the way, Adam, "immigrant rights" is not an issue in this country. The issue is: how should we deal with those guilty of, or seeking, criminal entry into the United States? I hate to pick nits, but there's a legal distinction between "immigrants" and "illegal aliens."
Bold proposal from Republican Senators to address the gas crisis April 27, 2006
Posted by daveintexas in Politics.comments closed
1. Take money from oil companies
2. Redistribute it to voters hard working Americans feeling the pinch at the pump.
3. Congratulate selves, praise the American economy and capitalism
Let's be honest, if all they want to give me is a hundred bucks, prices can't be as bad as everyone is screaming they are.
Some want to give them credit for attaching a "drill ANWR" rider. Well not me. If they had any balls at all we'd be drilling in ANWR now, and both coasts, we'd be building refineries, and we sure as hell wouldn't be raising taxes to hand out as bribes. This is Socialist pandering.
Gutless. Every damn one of em.
Retired Geezer Selling a Horse? April 27, 2006
Posted by skinbad in Humor.comments closed
I found this yesterday in the local, free, classified newsletter. They usually have about five misspellings per page. In the fall, some joker always puts in the "pinenuts for sale, $5 per pound — deernuts, under a buck" joke.
This is verbatim: (http://horseshoetrader.net/tader1pdf/trader1.pdf)
FOR SALE, EXTREMELY well broken horse. Used to be 16 hands, now only 10 hands. Had to remove shoes so she could lift her feet. Good on flat or slight downgrade. Has been high centered on ant hill. Comes with custom made belly cart to avoid naval blisters. Back is sway – no need to buy a saddle. Used to do rodeo. Likes to watch them now. Good bloodlines: Days Gone Bye, Can't Remember Stuff, Kant Leave De Stable Anymore, Giddie Up Iz Gone. Good for kids and anorexic riders. Very sweet natured. Best horse on the market! Don't delay! Won't last much longer! Won't last long!
Innocent Bystanders 
Dualism A Hot Topic? Also, How To Sound Smart April 27, 2006
Posted by Michael in Commenting Tips, Religion.comments closed
I just noticed an interesting factoid. First, a little background.
Answers.com distributes a cool little utility called 1-Click Answers that you can download for free. It allows you to hold down the Alt key and right click on any word in virtually any kind of document (web pages, Word docs, Acrobat pdf files, etc.), and a screen will pop up with the definition, a button that allows you to hear the word pronounced, the Wikipedia article, top google search results, etc. Even better, it’s my understanding that the search is context sensitive, so although you must click on one particular word it may refine the search based on adjacent terms.
It’s a great tool for fast on-the-fly research when you’re commenting and you need information in a hurry to keep up with a thread. (In other words, it’s a great way for Michael to sound smarter than he is.) Say you’re in a flame war, someone calls you a “quisling,” and you don’t know exactly what that is. Alt-click the word, and you can easily come up with a timely rejoinder. It also comes in very handy at work, especially if you work with specialized professionals who tend to lapse into techno-babble at every opportunity (think Mrs. Peel in five years). I haven’t yet encountered an acronym that 1-Click Answers couldn’t handle.
Glancing at the Answers.com home page today, I noticed that the all-time number one Alt-Click search request is the perennial heresy of . . . Manichaeism. Number three is Manichaean. The basic idea is that good and evil are equal and counter-balancing forces, as opposed to the Christian concept that evil is a derivative and parasitic offspring of good and not a creative force in its own right.
Go figure. How many folks on the web are just wandering into theological discussions where this ancient Persian nemesis of Christian doctrine is being bandied about?
Well, apparently a lot of people. It’s a comfort to me that the number one Alt-Click request is not “Federline” or something.