Innocent Bystanders

Workplace Violence September 28, 2014

So some dude in Oklahoma beheaded one of his co-workers, stabbed another, and was then shot by his CCW-carrying COO.  Crazy, crazy crap.

I’m not really clear on some of the details (as I’ll discuss below), including this line from a FoxNews.com article: “Authorities are treating Thursday’s beheading … as an incident of workplace violence…”  Mostly I’m puzzled because nothing about the article says who is treating it as workplace violence, or how that treatment is manifested in terms of an investigation.  The article specifies  that the FBI is now involved, and I can’t imagine state or local authorities routinely invite the FBI in on standard workplace violence incidents.

My instinct is to call shenanigans on the “workplace violence” designation.  One wonders what, if anything can be called terrorism, if not lopping off your co-worker’s head in the name of a religious or political cause.  To this day I’m pissed off that the government refuses to call Nidal Hassan’s attack on Ft. Hood an act of terrorism – a designation made out of pure cowardice utterly divorced from reality.  But let me suppress my instinct for a moment, and first talk about what I think is the difference between workplace violence and an act of terrorism.

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IB Blog Authors September 28, 2014

Just looking over the post tallies for all the approved authors at this site. We have a total of 5910 posts since the blog’s inception in 2006. Michael is like the Brett Favre of blogging, with an unassailable lead in posts:

Most of us aren’t online as much as we were back in the heyday (2003 – 2010). You see a lot of names of people who don’t hang out all anymore, like Brewfan, EddieBear, Kevl, Mrs. Peel, and composmentis. Harrison, of course, passed away two years ago, which has never stopped sucking.

With all the casualties of time and real life, I think the blog needs a jolt to get a little more energy in the place. Personally, I’ve avoided writing on most of the mainstream news topics just because I think other blogs have beaten them to death. But I think I’ll start hitting them anyway. Nothing like the outrage du jour to get the blood flowing.

Beyond encouraging the authors to continue/resume posting (Sobek was awesome over the past week, and Lipstick’s post was an all-too-rare treat), I’d like to extend an invitation to those who might want to join the illustrious roll of IB authors. I’d particularly like more humorous posts because, well, mine rarely are.

I’d like to get the blog back up to 3 – 4 posts a day, and resurrect the comments section so it’s as interactive and lively as it was 4 years ago.

But I’d prefer to keep the cats to a minimum. Really. Hating the cats.

The CBO Sez: Obama’s Employment Situation Stinks September 28, 2014

The President keeps telling us that all economic indicators are better now that when he took office. That’s a pretty low bar to set – if things hadn’t improved, we’d still be at the bottom of the recession. But it’s not really even true, according to the CBO.

If you look at the economic output we are generating vs. the economic output we could be generating, you find that we’re nowhere close to the normal range.

And when the CBO analyzed what the employment situation could look like, vs. what it is, they concluded:

President Obama, after nearly 6 years of watching the economy limp along, we’d like fewer self-congratulatory speeches and more results.

From the “Headlines Ya Gotta Love” Department September 26, 2014

Man attempts to smuggle 51 turtles in his pants

Semper Latte and My Glass House September 24, 2014

I can’t get too outraged over the President’s silly “Semper Latte” salute. Sure it was a lame salute, and sure it was symptomatic of a president who has no empathy for the military, but let me tell you the tale of a USAF 2nd Lt and his ice cream:

‘Twas some 30+ years ago when the Inspector General came to review our organization on base. We had been scrambling for two weeks to make sure our files and classified material storage were up to snuff, and had been shredding classified documents day after day to make sure that we didn’t get dinged for storing out-of-date materials. This was a big deal, since we had 25 years of documents that had built up; people just kept ordering more safes to store the damn things.

Anyway, after 2 weeks of devoting about 20 hours a day to this and not getting any real work done, they finally arrived. And it was like angry and vengeful gods had descended upon our happy little village. Seemed like nothing we did was absolutely per all the regulations, because these guys pulled out regulations we’d never heard of. You were destined to fail – kind of like a Kobayashi Maru scenario for office work.

At some point amidst the bloodbath this 2nd Lt decided to walk across the street to the convenience store and grab some ice cream (aka lunch). I was partial to the triple scoop of vanilla in a dish, and on that day it didn’t disappoint. I was mowing through it as I walked back to the office and was 50 feet from the front door when one of the dread IG nasties emerged.

Startled, I snapped off a salute (pretty nicely done, if I do say so), since he outranked me. He returned the salute, and I resumed walking, pretty pleased that I had my cover (my stupid Air Force cap), and had followed military protocol without losing composure. But then he said,

“Next time take the spoon out of your mouth.”

So President Obama gets a pass from me on this one.

Special Teams Donkey September 24, 2014

And now, a special Innocent Bystanders Presentation:

Special Teams Donkey

A short drama, by Sobek

Dramatis Personae:

Coach – a coach

The Quarterback – a quarterback

Act I, Scene i

Coach: (rising dramatically from his chair) I’ve got it! There’s nothing in the rule book that says you can’t have a donkey for a field goal kicker!

The Quarterback: Yes there is.  It’s right here on page 26.

Coach: Shit.

Fin

Operation: Penguin Elimination September 20, 2014

Here’s the new project I want to get going through Kickstarter, except that they keep asking me for my phone number and bank account information.  Probably to commit identity theft.

Meet Your New Military September 20, 2014

It’s axiomatic that once people take their eye off the ball, they drop it. In real life, that means that once you allow yourself to be distracted from your primary mission by extraneous considerations, you put that mission at risk.

That brings us to the US military.

The US military has been an unequaled fighting force for decades: faster, stronger, smarter, and more dedicated than any other military group on earth. I think they stunned onlooking countries a decade ago when they took Iraq, a country with a fairly large and experienced army, in 3 weeks. That was only possible because the military has concentrated on developing and maintaining the ability to accomplish the strategic goals of the United States.

When it comes to military policy on internal affairs, I’ve always said, “Let them do what they think they need to do. There’s enough on their plate.” Gays in the military? Let them decide. Women in combat? Let them decide.

And in general, I think the military has done fairly well in those decisions. I remember as a military brat that race was insignificant compared to a father’s rank; I think racial tensions in the military are still far lower than in civilian society.

But the administration has decided to fix what ain’t broke, changing an effective fighting force into just another socially-just government agency. To whit:

The military is growing more “sensitive” under the Obama administration, Pentagon observers say, by relaxing long-standing restrictions on soldiers’ religious and personal liberties.

The efforts by the Defense Department to adapt to cultural change go beyond the moves to end the controversial “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy and allow women in combat.
In recent weeks, the Pentagon has backed off controversial hairstyle regulations that critics said discriminated against black women and made the phrase “so help me god” optional in the oath for airmen.

Earlier this year, the military loosened its rules for soldiers who want to wear turbans or grow religious beards and provided exemptions for having tattoos and piercings.

“We want to make sure we’re not offending people,” a DOD official told The Hill.

I’d say the military is taking its eye off the ball, and it’s only going to get worse.

Auditioning for Adult Films? September 19, 2014

The other day the police officer who arrested that hysterical D-List actress requested to come on a local radio show to tell his side of the story. Daniele Watts had been going to all sorts of media, including CNN, to whine that she had been racially profiled and abused for “showing affection” to her boyfriend because she is black and he is white.

The Sergeant was cruising the neighborhood when the 911 call came in about two people having sex in a car in full view of everyone, including a bunch of workers in an office building. The people gathered at the windows to watch, and one allegedly walked out to tell the couple to knock it off because everyone could see them. They refused and continued having sex in public. Allegedly. (She writes knowing that a lawyer captains this ship.) That is when someone called the police to let them know about the open nudity and public sex.

Brian was sitting in the passenger seat with his feet on the curb and Daniele was straddling him with her shirt pulled up — breasts exposed. The eyewitness says she was grinding on top of him, rocking back and forth.

And, and, and, this:

The eyewitnesses say Brian then began “horizontally bongoing her boobs back and forth.”

Bongoing her boobs??!

Tears in my eyes, I did not even know that was a term. Or description. Or a thing or whatever, but that is so funny and. . . vivid!! As Django is my witness, for the rest of my life that is going to pop into my head every time I see or hear bongo drums! *gasping*

Well, it may be that the, uh, time is up for Watts having the media spin trending all her way, because TMZ has photos showing the hot, bumperless Mercedes action: http://www.tmz.com/2014/09/17/django-unchained-actress-racism-lapd-daniele-watts-pictures-photos/2/#comments-anchor

Sciencism? September 16, 2014

I need a new word.  This is something that’s been bugging me for a long while now.  I need a word that means something like “a believer in the importance and efficacy of science.”  Normally you can throw the suffix “-ist” on the end of a word, like “humanist,” “jihadist” or “pacifist,” but I try to do that here, I end up with “scientist,” which means something else, or “sciencist,” which sounds horrible.

I’ve wondered about this for a while now, but mores in the past few days as people have been piling on Neal deGrasse Tyson for his, um, let’s call them ethical lapses.  Like falsely attributing the million dollar space pen to NASA, or egregiously misquoting George W. Bush to make him look dumb (you need to misquote him to do that?), or just flat-out making crap up.

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Um Versus Uh September 15, 2014

Some guy made a map of the tendency to use “Um” vs. “Uh” in your speech (it’s actually a map of the statistical significance of that tendency, but you get the point).

As for me, I’ve started using the Japanese “eto,” because I watch way too much anime.

Which brings to mind another point. It’s funny to me that it’s in vogue now to add “right” to the end of sentences, as in: “I know, right?” The Japanese have been doing that for forever, adding “ne” to the end of their sentences. So they would say, “Nice weather, right?” rather than just saying “Nice weather” in the old American way.

We’re turning Japanese, we’re turning Japanese, I really think so.