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Plantin Goobers UPDATED IMPORTANT UPDATE September 27, 2009

Posted by daveintexas in Art, Entertainment, Gardening, Humor, Literature, Nature Shit, Personal Experiences, Philosophy, Politics, Sex, Terrorist Hemorrhoids.

Ok ok OKAY.


So I don’t follow instructions.  See below post for important gardening update.


Laura was nice enough to send me some lily thingys to kill.  So I’m all over that shit.


This time I followed directions, mostly.


Ingredients: dirt. tomato fertilizer, small containers, large container.

Here they are roasting in a bucket of water.


Here are the containers and the power tool I shall use to reduce them.

I just wanted to use a power tool.

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Here’s some most bullshit planting crap.

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This is just friggin awesome, because I FOLLOWED DIRECTIONS.  Mostly.

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This will likely work out just fine.

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Ok.  I am supposed to use CLAY, not potting mix.  Fix number one.  We have tons of that clay shit in Texas.

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I will probably put a crepe myrtle here.  You know, some plant that’s not pissy.

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Muddy stinky shit.  I checked with the doctor, it’s right this time.  Sorta, more likely it’s a mess and she can’t bear to tell me I’m still dumb.  Plus they might live in spite of me.

DSC00306 []

This doesn’t really look different but the amazing thing is it is different and you just can’t tell.

In my plant world leaves go up and roots go in dirt.  These are much more complicated, probably because of water and state income taxes in CT.

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1. lauraw - September 27, 2009

Dave, you buried the crowns.
They’re gonna rot.

In Article II, sub. 5b, I said to only bury the roots and leave the crowns above the soil. The crowns have to see sunlight.

They’re gonna DIE.


Pull them up, give the stems a tug upwards, and get that gravel and dirt off the growing tips.
Ya big goobs.


2. lauraw - September 27, 2009

WTF is that miracle gro bullshit dirt??? That’s not clay! I said to use clay!!

Waterlilies grow in CLAY.

*throws papers and staplers around*

You know what? I give up.

Do what you want.

I give up.

3. lauraw - September 27, 2009

Nice half-barrel, though. Half-barrels are actually perfect for that purpose. Well done. Nice choice.

4. daveintexas - September 27, 2009

What are crowns?

5. scottw - September 27, 2009

The top of the thing that smells like roadkill. Did you buy a brand new jig saw to cut up waste paper baskets to produce something you could have picked up at Walmart for about 99 cents?

6. daveintexas - September 27, 2009

Also what’s clay?

Playdoh? I got some of that I haven’t et yet.

7. lauraw - September 27, 2009

The top part of the tuber where the leaves grow from. The roundish growing tip area especially should be free of soil. The tuber crawls along above the dirt.

Sorry for being bossy. It’s gonna be fine. They are weeds.

8. lauraw - September 27, 2009

I thought you said your normal soil in your area was clay, no?

9. daveintexas - September 27, 2009

The top part? That’s a crown?


What? I have to dig a hole now?

No wonder these fuckin things die.

*goes to find a shovel

10. lauraw - September 27, 2009

I think you’re trying too hard.

They’ll be fine. Just uncover the crowns and have a martini.

11. daveintexas - September 27, 2009

*no, NOOOOOOOOO I dug a hole.

I will put a less picky plant in it sometime this winter.

After I drink a martini.

12. lauraw - September 27, 2009

It was the yelling and throwing stuff, right?
But mostly the yelling.

I do apologize.
Most sincerely.

13. MCPO Airdale - September 27, 2009
14. Lipstick - September 27, 2009

Speaking of power tools, if your husband asks you to sit on a 2×4 while he cuts it with a power saw thingee, do it.

15. daveintexas - September 27, 2009

This is what men do to women.





16. daveintexas - September 27, 2009

roots are the bottom thingys, right?

17. scottw - September 27, 2009

I am guessing yes.

18. Lipstick - September 27, 2009

Mr. L swears by Makita power tools.

Well, actually, now so do I.

(OK, just kidding, but it was hilarious when I said “that’s all you have to cut? Isn’t there any more you need to saw?”)

19. daveintexas - September 27, 2009

Down here we just put the dirty part in the ground and the leafy part up high in the air.

I did not know there were rules.

20. lauraw - September 27, 2009

Lipstick, HA HA HA HA HAAAA!

so how was it

21. Lipstick - September 27, 2009

so how was it

Surprising. I was laughing my heiney off and so was Mr. L. But I’m all about the real thing.

22. daveintexas - September 27, 2009


I want some ice cream now.

23. lauraw - September 27, 2009

Oh shit, that water’s a MESS!

Yeah, you’re gonna have to dump that out and cover the pots with sand.

*angelic smile*

24. lauraw - September 27, 2009


Not today.


Let me make you a martooni.

25. daveintexas - September 27, 2009

What? I have bad water now?

26. xbradtc - September 27, 2009

I was a little surprised that water wasn’t tinged red with the blood of the Texas goober.

No cuts? How boring.

Did you at least fall in?

27. Dave in Texas - September 28, 2009

Hey, there was a cut.

28. wiserbud - September 28, 2009

What? I have bad water now?

You didn’t fall in it, did you?

’cause that will definatley make it go bad in a hurry.

personal to Lipstick: I’m thinking if buidling a really huge new deck and I may need you help. Interested?

29. Lipstick - September 28, 2009

Wiser, I’ll send you my single sister. She’ll probably jump at the chance because her blind date from last week was way oversold to her as tall, handsome and heterosexual.

30. lauraw - September 28, 2009

Wow, she sounds real picky.

31. lauraw - September 28, 2009

Kind of homophobic, too.

32. reason - September 28, 2009

She needs to open her mind and embrace the notion of dating a homosexual. GEEZ, you narrow-minded mongoloids!

Also, Dave, I’m pretty sure that, around here, if it didn’t involve using a sharpshooter to chisel a roughly-cylindrical void out of solid caliche, it really isn’t considered “planting.”

Container planting is for sissies. Why, I doubt you even broke a sweat, sitting there with your candy-ass little Dremel, cutting up arts-and-crafts plastic containers in the SHADE.

33. reason - September 28, 2009

In other news, I have ONCE AGAIN sent out meeting minutes to a massive distribution, and failed to first de-select the Read Recipt Request option.

Try to just lay back and think of England, my sweet inbox…

34. wiserbud - September 28, 2009

She’ll probably jump at the chance because her blind date from last week was way oversold to her as tall, handsome and heterosexual.

I’ll bet he wasn’t blind, either.

35. lauraw - September 28, 2009


36. reason - September 28, 2009

laura, I believe the word you were searching for was:


37. reason - September 28, 2009

Besides, to get hooked up with Lipstick’s sister and NOT get roughly jolted into heterosexuality like a shift into second without a clutch, you probably would need to be blind.

And have no feeling in your hands heart.

38. Lipstick - September 28, 2009

Well, she’s both beautiful AND smart. With a wicked sense of humor and razor sharp wit. I’m a huge fan and she cracks me up on a daily basis.

39. Michael - September 28, 2009

Well, she’s both beautiful AND smart. With a wicked sense of humor and razor sharp wit.

That’s a dangerous combination. You can get your ass kicked with a woman like that.

I’m speaking from personal experience.

Thirty-seven years of personal experience.

40. TattooedIntellectual - September 28, 2009

Has Dave, “Important Update”ed both of his recent posts?

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